WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG
WITH YOU???
The Ugly Website with the Ugly truth
Some ranting from the Animeraider, updated Mondays and Wednesdays thru Fridays in the evening Pacific Standard Time (mostly)
If you want an explanation, click on The First Post «
@
The most recent post The First Post
The infamous "Republicans are Pedophiles" post
Why do I post after 6pm PST? Because people donft stop saying stupid things after the evening news on the East Coast.
Topics
@
@
3/1/10 - Glenn, this is an intervention
2/26/10 - Somewhere down the Crazy River...
2/11/10 - no need to repeat myself
1/29/10 - an open letter to the supporters of a murderer
1/13/10 - Pat Robertson is going to hell
1/4/10 - two days past Palindrome Day
12/30/09 - probably the last post of 2009
12/28/09 - Yeah, I called him a Nazi. I'm not going to apologize.
12/14/09 - the rear ends of airborne rodentia
12/9/09 - Don't even want to imagine the taste
12/7/09 - Room 12, down the hall on the left
12/4/09 - They make you feel dirty...
12/3/09 - Infrastructure is sexy!
11/30/09 - How to get rid of your mortgage and guilt
11/24/09 - Strider's forgotten quest
11/9/09 - It takes a Sinner to hate...
10/9/09 - Didn't see that one coming
10/7/09 - Complete cheap Shots
10/2/09 - Follow Hope & Crosby
9/30/09 - I filed a complaint with the FCC
9/24/09 - Eric Cantor is a fucktard
9/18/09 -I am your liberal Czarrrrrrrr
8/24/09 - Hide the white wimmin' it's a biggun'!
8/20/09 - Declaring war on Canada
8/18/09 - You can Tuna Piano...
8/14/09 - That great Socialist
8/12/09 - I have an observation...
8/10/09 - Socialized Medicine gave us Stephen Hawking
8/7/09 - Manson with a TV show
8/3/09 - Die you ignorant jackasses, die.
7/24/09 - Yeah, Canada is better
7/22/09 - There is no reason for them to exist
7/10/09 - Required Reading/viewing
7/2/09 - Calling Bruce Campbell
7/1/09 - 120 seconds of terror...
6/30/09 - In space, no one can hear your head explode messily
6/24/09 - The Girl from Ipanema
6/23/09 - Where's Waldo? South Carolina Edition
6/12/09 - a question for the NRA
6/9/09 - Arrest those terrorists!
6/1/09 - The Devil made me do it
5/29/09 - Torturous possibilities
4/28/09 - Boy, take one little vacation...
3/31/09 - Willie and the Poorboys
3/20/09 - Special Olympics Cheap Shots
3/19/09 - Green Government (shhh!)
3/13/09 - So Loud you aren't thinking
3/11/09 - Yes, I do find it funny
2/20/09 - Grover Norquist needs to have his mouth taped shut
2/18/09 - Liars and fucking liars
2/12/09 - I was ambushed by Bill ORLY
1/28/09 - Carter goes to China
1/27/09 - Getting back into the swing of things...
1/22/09 - 48 hours to erase 8 years...
1/15/09 - I'll be back soon...
@
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Dear Glenn Beck:
This is an intervention. Glenn, I have every reason to believe that you are still a heavy cocaine user and you need help. Using the methods advanced by the "respected" Dr. Frist and after taking a close look at your many appearances on television, I can come to no other conclusion. You're a cocaine addict, and you're not recovering. It's not in your past, as you often claim. You're getting worse.
Dude, I've been a working musician most of my life - I've seen it more times than I care to think about. My first ever professional recording session back in the early 1980s featured a keyboard player who used so much coke that he was eventually reduced to a quivering mass of jelly. Trust me when I say that I know what it looks like and you show every symptom.
Let's start with the paranoia. Dude, that's one of the classic symptoms - paranoia. For the record, Obama isn't a Marxist, or a Socialist, or a dirty Commie Hippie, or a Secret Muslim - I personally know several of each of these and they all hate him. There isn't a Socialist (or whatever) on the planet who would hire Timothy Geithner. He's not trying to kill the government. He's not trying to raise the taxes of most people, although admittedly he is trying to raise yours - you are rich, after all. He's not trying to put microchips in people's bodies - no one is. You are confusing people with pets. Your paranoia is drug-fueled.
Let's talk about the impaired reasoning ability. Your chalk board demonstrations are the stuff of legend, but you misspell words. Your math doesn't always add up. You attempt to make analogies that any kid studying for the SATs would pass by as inadequate. These are mistakes a grown man shouldn't make. Face it, the drugs are impairing you.
Let's talk about your use of language. Fueled by your drug-enforced paranoia, you use a lot of run-on sentences and hop from topic to topic and idea to idea without the use of simple things like verbs. Unless you're a Kennedy (for whom it was an affectation) that's something you just can't get away with. Don't even get me started on that moment where you left language completely and barked like a dog a nearly a minute. Dude, I know you're trying to contribute to the dialogue but barking like a dog doesn't do it on any level - and no one would think so without the drugs.
And dude, using the anniversary of Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I Have a Dream" speech to further these talks? What inspired that one? Were you back in your office with a couple of buddies laughing and saying things like, "Dude, dude - I know, I know, I know what would be sooo hilarious. Dude, it's brilliant, hear me outc" Dude, that's the cocaine talking.
Dude, the crying on television? The fact that this doesn't embarrass you in any way means that you think it's a good thing to do. You're not on a soap opera, are you? Again, that's the cocaine talking.
You've laughed off killing people by lighting them on fire, by poisoning them, and by calling for others to take some form of ambiguous action. Sure, some of this is the quest for ratings but the inspiration comes from the coke. You're not a staff writer for some cop/legal/forensic drama - that's the coke talking.
Even your haircut screams "Cocaine addict!" It didn't look good on the oldest brother in the "Home Alone" movies and if you think it looks good on youc well, that's the cocaine talking.
I'm truly sorry Glenn, but this is for your own good. You need help my man, you need help. We're happy to help you get it. You've got decent health insurance, so this is probably covered. Let's try to get you clean and sober. We want you to get better - we honestly do. I know it's tough, but we need to lock you away until you can admit to yourself and to all of us the one thing that we already know. Dig deep into your faith, my man, and say out loud the one thing that must be your first step.
Repeat after me, "I am addicted to cocaine."
Cheap Shots:
Personally, I loved the celebration.
Hmm. Good point.
Senator Jim Bunning (R-aging asshole) is apparently going to join the cast of the political remake of Office Space. By the way, for all the talk Republicans have given saying that Obama is going to cut Medicare, Bunning actually did it. And apparently he's doing it all because he's pissed off that his leadership forced him out of running for re-electionc
The 5 most badass Presidents of all time.
He's the king and godfather of this type of performance, so you should listen to him.
What the fuck? How about a little common sense, people?
Doesn't the high cholesterol actually prove he's an American?
"General Pinochet, who spent the last eight years of his life fighting prosecution on human rights and other charges before succumbing to congestive heart failure in December 2006, could not be reached for comment, even by Robertson." Yes, Pat Robertson is still a dick.
You've probably seen their work before, but it's worth looking at again.
Already? Personally, I'm waiting for September or so.
I think Harry Reid is a goner, and I won't miss him. Maybe next term we can get a Senate Majority Leader with a spine. It's a pity it won't be Chris Dodd.
Speaking of spines, go Alan Colmes!
You gotta love Johnny Depp.
And because I love you, Gerry Rafferty.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
@
@
Why do you always end up down at Nick's Café? I said, "No I like it - I like it it's good." She said, "You like it now, but you'll learn to love it later."
@
Let's get right to it, shall we? Have a drink of your choice (mine's Gin and Tonic) and let's review some Cheap Shots:
@
Somebody needs to punch Rush Limbaugh and Glen Beck repeatedly in the mouth. Apparently, they don't need teeth.
@
And the next time the current Governor of Minnesota needs to go the E.R., someone take his wallet first.
@
Here's hoping that Utah isn't contagious.
@
The U.S. beats Canada in their national sport. Then Canada pwns the U.S. (If you scroll down far enough, you can see a great picture of Dr. Zaius as Che)
@
You know, there should be a law that says that white people can't be allowed to say stupid shit like this.
@
You say "tough shit". I call you a blackmailing motherfucker. Ben Nelson too.
@
Here's how they made that Old Spice ad.
@
@
Um, dudes, the "R" in COBRA stands for "Reconciliation".
@
She's going to lose her staff assistant. I hope she got the beach house.
@
Hey Inhofe - shove this up your fucking igloo.
@
BWAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAHAHHAHAAHAH!
@
Even I think it's too cheap to do a joke because of his blindness. See ya! (facepalm) Damn it! I'm going to duck now before Stevie Wonder punches me in the arm.
@
Nobody wins in the "Jesus was a vampire" debate. Everyone comes off looking like an idiot.
@
Even one of the Fox villagers has had enough of the Republicants on health care.
@
Jane Fonda - relevant again.
@
" I expect a scorched earth, smoking, radioactive wasteland, a postapocalypic Mad Max hellscape."
@
And because I love you, John Prine. I tried to find the John Denver version, which I like better, but I struck out. He was quite the activist in his time.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
+++++++++++++++++++++++
@
@
And by that I mean the Canadian band.
@
I'm going to talk about a novel solution to our education woes. I am proposing that we need to at a bare minimum double our spending on education. Yes, double. The people who believe that we have to curtail spending are either missing a grand point or are willfully trying to make the next generation be dumber than we are - and either way they are ruining us.
@
It's not about teachers and schools, although that's certainly a part of it. It's about the infrastructure for our educational system that used to exist and no longer does. How about maintaining school bus fleets? How about maintaining equipment at schools? How about making certain that all the lights work? How about making certain that the teachers have enough supplies? How about modern copy machines instead of mimeographs? How about cheap laptops and internet connections? How about Pell Grants - where the hell did those go? How about interest rates on student loans that are smaller than the interest rates on credit cards? How about supporting the ever increasing number of special needs children which have been created by the "money saving" policies of the last 30 years in environmental policy?
@
How about just rebuilding the textbook industry? California used to have the best in the country, but it collapsed along with the rest of California's economy. Now a majority of the nation's science books come from a publisher in Texas who thinks that Jesus rode into Jerusalem on the back of a brontosaurus. Many of our English textbooks come from people who donate money to political causes that feature protestors who can't spell the word "moron". My daughter's 5th grade teacher sent out a homework assignment that included a piece of paper showing the math errors in her textbook.
@
Quite frankly I want my children, and yours, to be smarter than you and me. Yes, it's humbling that my 10 year-old daughter can browse the web better than I can, but I'll get over it. The world isn't getting any simpler as time goes by, and they're going to need more than our current combined knowledge to make everything work. And the only way that's going to happen is if we give them the tools to succeed. These things cost money, and the money would be well spent.
@
I'm not advocating taking any money from other programs either. I'm not saying we need to raise taxes. I'm not saying we need more corporate sponsorships - it's not their job, but it is ours. I'm saying we need to spend more money. Yes, it could very well be deficit spending. So what? If we lead the world in smart people doesn't it make sense that the overspending here will be made up in the profits of the ingenuity of our children and the things they accomplish? Do you have that little faith in our ability to be inventive capitalists?
@
And for those of you who say that throwing money at the problem is the solution - how the hell do you know? It's not like it's ever been tried.
@
Cheap Shots:
@
And don't even get me started on how fucking idiotic this is.
@
It's a good point - why aren't the Republicans more worried about the vote of the Sheboygan High School Science Fair than the Tea Party?
@
Kids, if your school-issued laptop has a web-cam, I suggest you partake in a bit of civil disobedience and turn off your computer, and then break the camera.
@
Glen, are you high right now? I've been a working musician most of my life and I can usually tell when someone is tripping. Glen, I'm worried about you man.
@
@
Actually, these books are historical tomes about how socialism doesn't work. One is written by a well-known Neo-con. Epic fail.
@
For once I kinda agree with Bristol Palin. She's entitled to the truth on this one.
@
Doesn't this little statistic mean that as a people we're pretty stupid already? Hey, way to reinforce my argument there!
@
@
If you want to really know what the Winter Olympics are all about so far, you should read this bit of gonzo.
@
@
Let's see the Maverick's crowd do this.
@
Maybe we can get N!xau to come and toss it off the edge of the world.
@
Competing against CPAC is TED.
@
Minus the rant below it, this is pretty funny. With the rant it's just kind of sad.
@
They went after Orrin Hatch?
@
@
Be careful of this woman - I think we're going to be seeing her in 2012.
@
@
For the record, I had nothing to do with the organized leftist blogger effort to oust Evan Bayh. You all know I spend my energies on trying to oust H.R. Puff-n-stuff.
@
So how long will it take before the left calls this guy a right-wing terrorist, and the right calls him a left-wing terrorist? Did it happen before I posted today's column? Or was there a response even sicker than I could imagine?
@
You know, you should be careful who you spam.
@
Sometimes the internet is full of win, and sometimes it is full of weird. And on special occasions, it has both in the same place.
@
And because I love you and in celebration of Rush Thursday, Rush.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
@
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
@
@
Ifm going to take a break today from politics if for no other reason than all I have to do is say glook at my very first posth and Ifm caught up with the world. Instead I have decided to list my 11 favorite albums of all time, at least as of today. This list changes a lot depending upon my own moods but Ifve found over the years that there are some consistencies and Ifm going to discuss those in a bit of depth. Keep in mind that if you ask me tomorrow, this list would be different.
@
To qualify, the album has to be a few years old. The reason for this is that an album needs to still be as solid when you hear it later as it did that first time. Also, there canft be a single track on there that you would switch away from if you heard it on the radio. You know how it goes – therefs that one clunker on the album that you always skip on your iPod. Finally, the album has to flow – it canft just be a collection of songs; some thought as to the track order must be considered.
@
So with all of that in mind, herefs my list as of today:
@
11 – Rumours (Fleetwood Mac)
@
The biggest selling album of all time until Michael Jacksonfs gThrillerh knocked it away, this great album was recorded while the two couples in the band were undergoing horrific breakups. And yet an album full of hope and terrific, fresh ideas came out of it. Face it, you know most of these songs without me having to tell you. gDonft Stoph became the theme of Bill Clintonfs rise to power and practically gives the 1970s justification for having happened at all. gDreamsh and gGold Dust Womanh gave Stevie Nicks her career and have depths to them that you may not notice without repeated listenings. gThe Chainh has one of the simplest and awesome breakdowns mid-song that youfll ever hear.
@
10 – The Innocent Age (Dan Fogelberg)
@
A double concept album, this album when played in order chronicles an entire life, from birth to death, all the while covering just about any emotion possible. The album has not one, but two songs that can make a grown man cry; gSame Old Lang Syneh and gLeader of the Bandh. In my college years this album helped me get to sleep at night whenever the people across the hall would blast The Specials gOne Step Beyondh all night. The last track, gGhostsh, manages to pull off the trick of being haunting and sentimental at the same time.
@
9 – Power Windows (Rush)
@
I love Rush. Love love love love love. Therefs no other band like them. I was a big fan before this album, and have been ever since, but itfs this release where I feel that Rush gelled into the monster they still are today. Over the course of 8 songs they manage to show off such astonishing technical skill that most musicians like me just look in awe. Strange harmonies, unusual time signatures, and a sound that seems like it couldnft just come from three guys. Neil Pert was already considered one of Rockfs great drummers – but on this album he finally figured out how to meld traditional drums with electronic ones and the results are astonishing. Geddy Lee was already considered a great bass player, but here he takes what he does and creates a foundation – not just show of his chops. This is also the album where Geddy decided he doesnft have to sing like a Bee Gee. Alex Lifeson on this album changed his guitar style from flash to substance, and what results is that his guitar playing away from the solos becomes a star of its own. The lyrics are focused on stories on this album, and on real events – like gManhattan Projecth, the story of the first atomic bomb. The final track gMystic Rhythmsh is an homage to the indigenous people of Northern Canada and is about as perfect an album closer as youfll ever find.
@
8 – HUP (The Wonder Stuff)
@
This is one amazing album, start to finish. One of the biggest bands in England in their day (yes, bigger than U2) they came across like a cynical version of The Beatles. They had an astonishing first album that slayed everything in its path and destroyed Rick Astley (who never recovered until gRickrollingh came along). This is their second album, and it takes the power of what they had done before and polishes it into a seamless flow of anger, youthful energy, thoughtfulness, and kick-ass rock and roll. A sizeable chunk of my own first album was inspired by a single song on this, gCartoon Boyfriendh. The drumming is frenetic, the bass playing is thunderous, the violin is turned into a rock instrument, and the simplicity of the guitar work above all of that gives the work some power.
@
7 – Apple Venus Volume 1 (XTC)
@
A mix of activism, pain and hope, this album is the gmellowerh half of the two album set called gApple Venush (the second volume was released 2 years later) and in my opinion the far superior of the two. From the first track, gRiver of Orchidsh, you know youfre in for something different. You get bass, then violins, then trumpets repeating phrases over and over as if it were a Phillip Glass composition. When the vocals come it theyfre so different from the music thatfs playing that you at first wonder if theyfve lost their minds – but like the instruments the vocals build as well until you get a work of profound beauty. There are songs about the simplicity of just sitting home on a Saturday afternoon, one about the discovery of lead singer Andy Partridge that his wife had been having an affair (gYour Dictionaryh), more environmentalism in a track called gGreenmanh that sounds like some the Beatles would have done if they had kept going, a wonderful track about reunions after loss called gHarvest Festivalh and a losing track called gThe Last Balloonh that manages to pull of the amazing feat of turning a vocal into a trumpet. With a lengthy, soul-enwrapping fade out.
@
6 – The Turn of a Friendly Card (The Alan Parsons Project)
@
Most people go for gEye in the Skyh when they think of Alan Parsons. Me, I go for the album before it. This album is a blast of orchestral rock with two classics, gTimeh and gGames People Playh on the first half, and a single concept sequence on the second about trying to run your life based on luck. This album came out 30 years ago and it still sounds fresh to me, with production values that most bands never realize.
@
5 – Ghost in the Machine (The Police)
@
Although this album has tons of hits, from the astonishing opening track of gSpirits in the Material Worldh to gEvery Little Thing She Does Is Magich to the beautiful and haunting gInvisible Sunh and even the quirky gDemolition Manh for me itfs the last 3 songs on the album that rank it here. gOmegamanh, gSecret Journeyh and gDarknessh are about the most perfect ending of an album you will ever find. You can still hear gDarknessh in your soul long after the song has stopped playing.
@
4 – Beethovenfs 9th Symphony (van Karajan)
@
In my opinion this is the greatest symphonic work ever written, and this is the greatest recording of it. Itfs a live performance without audience in a single take, and itfs amazing. From the opening notes to the scherzo to the famed introduction of the main melody of gOde to Joyh by the cellos and basses, itfs about as perfect as music can get and von Karajan gets nuances out of the music that very few who havenft studied the scores intensely (as I have) would never notice.
@
3 – Oblivion (Utopia)
@
As my friend Ed would say, of course this album is on the list. Ifm a huge fan of Todd Rundgren and the band he ran as a side project throughout the 70s and 80s is a great listen, but this album is this quartet at their peak. Electronic drums (built into the chassis of a motorcycle) and acoustic drums, keyboard sounds invented just for the album, brilliant vocal harmonies, this album – a complete study of the world that the book 1984 is set it – is a masterpiece through and through. Released in 1983 the album was 2 decades ahead of its time and would fit in well today. Whenever I play this album I tend to strap on a guitar and play along. Itfs worth noting that each song begins with a musical nod to the song before it, often starting on the same chord that the previous song ended on.
@
2 – Until the End of the World (Soundtrack)
@
Back in 1990 movie director Wim Wenders went to some of the best musicians in the world and asked them to write and record songs that they felt would represent how they would sound 9 years in the future – i.e. write the songs they would write in 1999. Bands like U2, The Talking Heads, Lou Reed, Depeche Mode, Elvis Costello, Lou Reed, Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds and R.E.M. all responded to the challenge, and to a band each came up with their best material to that date. The version of U2fs gUntil the End of the Worldh on this album is better than the one on their own album. The best Talking Heads song ever done is one this album (gSax and Violinsh – a song that tells the story of the movie from the viewpoint of a satellite and yes, itfs germane to the plot), and they broke up immediately after, admitting they couldnft top it. The version of Lou Reedfs gLifefs Goodh on this album is light years better than the single he released of it the following year. Even the instrumental cello pieces by Graeme Revell (who scored the movie) are astonishing. Every single track on here represents the best work of each band.
@
1 – The Shaming of the True (Kevin Gilbert)
@
I donft suppose itfs fair to put at the top an album by someone I knew, even if only tangentially, but I don't care. This album, released posthumously, is Kevin at the top of his game. Itfs a concept album about the rise and fall of a single musician and itfs pulled from his own amazing story. Along the way he has a 7 minute opus about the pathetic video that was made of a song he wrote for Madonna, a 3-part a cappella cannon (he calls it a fugue) that he sings each part of featuring competing record company executives vying for his attention, a song where he makes fun of ex-girlfriend (and uber attention whore) Sheryl Crow by implying she gave the L.A. Lakers the clap, and in the midst of it all has a ballad so heart-wrenching that if youfre not affected by it you have no soul (gWater Under the Bridgeh). Itfs like a pop version of Pink Floydfs gWish You Were Hereh, but without a missed step and with catchy tunes every step of the way.
@
Some honorable mentions: A Taste of Passion (Jean-luc Ponty), Falling In Between (Toto), Murder Ballads (Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds), Crimes of Passion (Pat Benatar), Fear (Toad the Wet Sprocket), Lateralus (Tool), The Vision of Escaflowne Soundtrack #1, Out of the Blue (ELO), Load (Metallica), Time Control (Hiromi Uehara), The Sensual World (Kate Bush), Cosmic Thing (B-52fs), Abbey Road (The Beatles – yeah, they didnft make the top 11), Max Q (Max Q), Gold Afternoon Fix (The Church), Bloodletting (Concrete Blonde), So (Peter Gabriel), Balance (Balance)
@
Cheap Shots:
@
Of course, Rachael Maddow does a good job of it, with an assist from Bill Nye the Science Guy.
@
She's a widow, even in the eyes of the law.
@
"And as usual, by 'support' I mean 'money'."
@
@
Good thing he wasn't studying high-level math. He could have been making a bomb!
@
Damn. You can find hookers everywhere, even on government payroll!
@
And because I love you, Kevin Gilbert.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
@
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
@
@
A quick question to all of the morons who seem to think that a bad winter storm is the same as climate change being wrong; where the hell did San Francisco's fog go?
@
Cheap Shots:
@
Captain Phil has died. To say it in his own words, get off your ass and get to work.
@
How dare you televise the debate I asked you to televise!
@
You can bid on rare vinyl for a worthy cause, but it's already out of my price range.
@
I've been looking forward to Avatar: The Last Airbender, the movie. Now, I feel really uncomfortablec
@
Freaky North Korea. Trust me, go from this site to the main site and see the other two parts - you won't be sorry you did.
@
And because I love you and am going to miss Captain Phil, Billy Joel.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
@
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
@
@
I've been quiet lately and I'm sorry about that. I simply didn't feel I had anything to add to the confusion. I've said in the past that when I have nothing to say I'll just be quiet - and that's how it's been for a bit now. Other than to say "who the hell saw that on-side kick coming"?!!?!!?!!? (and boy oh boy didn't Manning looked pissed-off about it?)
@
So allow me to warm back up with some cheap shots:
@
Damn. Take a look at the thoughts of a real thinker.
@
@
If the past is a mirror, then this will actually save us money.
@
Teh rocks!
@
Maybe it's just the heterosexual male in me, but I love this protest - I don't care what it's about.
@
So who is the "retard" exactly? God explains. Oh, and apparently whales are Satanic. Or at least sex-freaks.
@
The shelf-life of a wife-beating, girlfriend-attacking, steroid-using candidate. But I bet if he'd been a Republican he's have lasted longer.
@
HuffPo tells you how to properly waste your time out there on the nets. And yes, a couple of them really are awesome.
@
If I were to grow up in today's day and age they'd taser me.
@
I saw the ad and found it surprisingly harmless. Bait and switch?
@
@
Holy crap, Gordon Brown said something that makes me want to applaud!
@
And because I love you, Charo! Okay, now for real, Charo.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
@
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
@
1/29/10 - an open letter to the supporters of Scott Roeder
@
Fuck you.
@
Your entire claim seems to be based on the idea that he didn't get a fair trial. The he should have been able to claim that he killed Dr. George Tiller to prevent him from killing the unborn. It's not an argument that I'd ever buy into, but let's suppose for a moment that you're right that this should have been a credible position to take - which it's not as Dr. Tiller was in church, paying homage to the same god you say you believe in, and not preparing to go to work (as an aside, if you borrow some logic from Hamlet, this means Dr. Tiller went to Heaven). But let us presume for a moment.
@
Where was Dr. Tiller's trial? Roeder appointed himself judge, jury, and executioner. That's wrong on all counts. America doesn't work that way. What are you, communists?
@
Point is, What Dr. Tiller was doing was legal, and I don't give a shit about your moral stance. You have a problem with the morals of a law, protest peacefully - that's your right. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. did that with marked success. He never went and shot anyone to make his point.
@
Or, to condense the previous three paragraphs into a bumper sticker: Fuck you.
@
Cheap shots:
@
Well, nothing really. It's been an interesting few weeks and I haven't been posting. I'm going to try to get better but lately I just haven't felt the urge. I declared this site a Palin-free zone and she's freakin' everywhere! We've had a lot of visitors at our home and not a lot of free time, and I'm trying to write a new album too. So I'm going to drink my gin, heat up some sake, hope that my kitchen sink works again, and come back at you next week.
@
That said, I find it astonishing that the coroner could be an elected post, but if it is this is the best political ad EVAR.
@
But you should see this delicious smackdown (or try here if the video link doesn't work - or read about it in some depth here.) the President gives to the Republicants, to their faces.
@
And because I love you, a rare track by Nuclear Valdez.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
@
1/13/10 - Friday the 13th fell on a Wednesday this month
@
I'm going to come right out and say it. Pat Robertson is no Christian. He blamed the earthquake that happened yesterday in Haiti on their supposed alliance with Satan to overthrow the French back in the mid 1800's and abolish slavery.
@
Rush Limbaugh is no Christian. He attacked President Obama for giving sympathy and aid in his words to the Haitian people - something he certainly didn't do when the prior President did the same after the Tsunamis in the Pacific that killed an equal number of people.
@
the Heritage Foundation is not a Christian organization. In this tragedy they see an opportunity to exploit - all in the name of U.S. interests.
@
I've experienced a few earthquakes in my life. A couple of them rank as disasters. But the pictures I'm seeing come out of Haiti are jaw-dropping. The second floor of the capitol building fell into the first floor. Early estimates of 100,000 dead. A real security risk in the fact that their worst prison essentially fell apart and many prisoners escaped. People living in the streets - probably for a lengthy period of time given how much of a shambles the country was in to begin with.
@
It calls for sympathy. It calls for charity. It calls for what some people would call Christianity. It calls for everything President Obama has done and more. It does not call for the things that either one of these fuckers have said or done. Pat, they had to make a deal with the devil to overthrow a moral outrage? Rush, you think the President acted quickly because Haitians are (generally) black? To the Heritage Foundation - The Haitians are good at recognizing potential slave owners.
@
What the fuck is wrong with you people?
@
Cheap Shots:
@
Is there a light bulb hanging over Harry Reid's head?
@
So where are those kids with the original golden tickets now? Here.
@
I have become a fan of Conan O'Brien.
@
Is there a second light bulb now?
@
Hey you youngsters - Ren and Stimpy was cool. Proof given.
@
Voluntary manslaughter? See the last sentence in the main body of this column.
@
@
There's a song in this. I think I'll write it.
@
But I didn't write Obama the Musical.
@
And because I love you, Supertramp.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
@
@
Okay, I've had enough of these motherfuckers who think that we should torture the living shit out of people to get the "information" they supposedly have - now the schmuck who set fire to his "Depends" back on Christmas in an airplane. Okay, yes he should have been caught before he got on the plane, but torture a man suffering from burns? You're morons and I can prove it. To loosely paraphrase Mel Gibson's character from the first "Lethal Weapon" movie, torture them back - it works for me. Therefore:
@
I have decided to define as a terrorist anyone who is against providing abortions. Not just the opinion, but those who do something about it. This includes all members of congress who write bills and vote for bills that strip funding for abortion and/or restrict access to it in any function. Sound fantastical? Not really. How does one define an enemy combatant? Isn't one of the rights we've been fighting for for the past near-decade the rights of women? Well, restricting abortion is an assault against women, and I am therefore unilaterally defining this as terrorism.
@
And here is where enhanced interrogation techniques kick in.
@
Torture any lawmaker who votes against abortion to find out who else out there is going to vote the same way. After all, we have to protect the rights of women. Torture that son of a bitch who shot the abortion doctor in Kansas last year. Let's find out what he knows about other plots. Let's torture that Democrat who put up the restrictions on abortion funding in the House Health Care bill - see if he knows of any other Democrats planning to vote the same way. Ship most of the Republicans in Congress to Gitmo! Oh, excuse me, to the Supermax Prison in Illinois. Torture the ever-living shit out of them. Waterboard them 180 times per month (that's 6 times a day) to find out what they know about the anti-abortion movement so that we can shut them down in the sake of national interest. The well-being of more than half of our citizenry is at stake here!
@
Is it stupid? Of course it is. It always was. This never was about getting information. It's about revenge. It's about getting their dicks back after a surprising emasculation. It has nothing whatsoever to do with being American or anything else for that matter.
@
But people who suffer from this sort of psychic emasculation never admit it. There isn't a Viagra for fear, so a substitute is sought out. Jack Bauer is right there and available! Do it and we can feel safe again!
@
Yeah, well fuck you. If you're that afraid, then the terrorism worked. You're afraid. You're in terror. No one enjoys flying anymore because you're terrorized. Fear leads to anger, and anger leads to suffering. Didnft you learn anything from those George Lucas movies? Stop concentrating on how much you hated Jar-Jar and the piss-poor dialogue in the second trilogy and concentrate on the message - you can never give in to fear.
@
But as long as you're afraid - how about we torture you to find out if you support restricting abortions (or any other arbitrary thing we define)? Because in my book, you're an enemy. And apparently we should torture our enemies.
@
Cheap Shots:
@
I'm reminded of a song by San Francisco's great rap band, Marginal Prophets, because of Brit Hume of all things.
@
The First Lady tried to mount a coup today.
@
They never did this to Carter.
@
And so it wasn't an ambush after all. Not exactly. The interviewee was just stupid.
@
This guy's ego is so huge that he invented a false rumor about his death just to upstage Rushbo's heart trouble. What a dick.
@
Speaking of which, maybe we should just give Hawaii's health care system to the rest of the nation - conservatives seem to like it. Okay, just Rush, but that might be enough.
@
And because I love you, and because I brought it up, Marginal Prophets. The lyric in question is about 1:26 in.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
@
@
Instead of my usual routine of scathing insults and cheap shots, I've decided to end the year on an up note. You should read this - you'll be a better person for having done so. And if you can't find something in the whole story that touches you on a fundamental level, then I don't want to know you.
@
And to end the year I leave you with this link - Move Your Money. This one never occurred to me because I don't bank with one of the "too big to fail" banks (I belong to a credit union) but this is brilliant and I hope it takes off.
@
And because I love you, Dan Fogelberg.
@
See you next year.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
@
12/28/09 - What's the difference between Mike Gallagher and a Nazi?
@
The answer is "nothing".
@
Mr. Gallagher went on Teevee today and said that all Muslims should be profiled and given separate screenings before getting on board any US flight. How is that different from making them wear special armbands?
@
It's not.
@
He suggests that we do it because El Al airlines of Israel does that. I would like to think that Mr. Gallagher knows that we are not Israel, but it seems that he doesn't.
@
Sure, the events of the weekend in Detroit were enough to give anyone pause. We nearly had an airplane blown up. But less than 24 hours later a young man on the same flight to Detroit (just one day later) locked himself in the bathroom and wouldn't come out until the plane landed because he was from the same country (Nigeria) as the unstable idiot from the day prior and he feared for his own safety.
@
Nigeria is in Africa, by the way, Mr. Gallagher - you said on the teevee that you wanted us to screen Middle Eastern men.
@
Is this what we've come down to? A young man locking himself in an airplane bathroom because he's scared of Americans who will play the guilt by association game? Don't know why he'd think thatc except that he might have seen it on teevee.
@
Cheap Shots:
@
And once again music by black people is going to get blamed. I await Keith Knight's response.
@
Of course there's no one in charge at the TSA. Here's why.
@
So what is the Health Care Reform going to do to your pocketbook? Take a look, and remember to enter your age as of the year 2014.
@
How long before we see the movie on E!?
@
If you honestly think this is a winning strategy, go for it. I'd like to see it.
@
An explanation of Glen Beck, in one simple graffiti-covered chalkboard. I couldn't find the original, so this will have to do.
@
It just isn't the same as getting shot in the face.
@
I like the woman, and her life has seen some unusual moments, but someone please send Arianna Huffington some Valium.
@
Speaking of which, can anyone please explain a medical reason why Mary Matalin seems to have lost a year?
@
Want to come live in San Francisco's newest neighborhood-to-be?
@
The last surviving member of the Kon-Tiki crew has passed. Look it up and see just how awesome these men were.
@
The bomb must have been in her diamond necklace.
@
It's true! It's! True! You can believe it! Except, no.
@
Yemen? Seriously?
@
Der Popenfuhrer und der Ziegenjungend. Eww.
@
@
Is this going to get Jamie Foxx's Oscar on the No Fly List?
@
And because I love you (and to take a cheap shot at Orly Taitz at the same time), Earth Wind & Fire. I have an iPod now so look out!
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
@
@
I know that there are a few office holders and people of influence who browse this site - I want them to see this credit card offer I just received:
@
@
@
I mean, HOLY FUCKING COW!!!! 59.9% Interest!!!!!
@
People who have money aren't offered cards like that. They're only sent to people like me with poor credit ratings. In my case, I don't have any credit cards - I got rid of them years ago - but they keep trying to being me back into the fold.
@
Look at the terms and conditions. These people are trying to take as much money from you while they still can. I have no clue at all what the legal limits are for interest, but nearly 60%?????!!?!!?!
@
Are you out of your goddamned mind? Especially on a card that STARTS with a balance already on it?
@
If it's not criminal it should be. People should go to jail for attempting to and succeeding in ensnaring people like this. And to any of you out there with some amount of influence on the debate, have you ever seen this? I get 3 a week and I'd bet that millions are going out. And I'd bet that until this moment that people with influence on the debate, simply because you have money, credit ratings and as a result get offered much better deals, have NEVER seen the like.
@
I wonder how many people in Detroit have received this offer?
@
It's all too common, and it needs to be stopped.
@
Cheap Shots:
@
Apparently, opposing health care reform can get you into Hooters.
@
Also apparently, there is a way to filibuster without actually doing any work.
@
I'm dreaming of a fuck you Christmas.
@
I stopped watching 24 because this idiot is in charge of it. I mean, the Kennedys as The Sopranos?
@
Why do Republicans hate our troops?
@
@
Go ask Alice why it's a sequel.
@
Say what you want about the governator, he's right on this one.
@
Um, no you can't.
@
But you can buy a castle in San Francisco for less than $3M. Shame it's in one of the worst neighborhoods in the city. It's an awesome property though.
@
Rachel Maddow is a class act. With teeth.
@
20 questions with answers.
@
Go make yourself a Muppet. It ain't cheap.
@
And because I love you, Captain Sensible.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
@
12/14/09 - My father's favorite swear phrase
@
For the record, I don't give a flying rat's ass about the Tiger Woods "scandal". I don't recall him ever saying he was a model citizen or espousing views about a moral code that should be held up by others. He has from time to time told people to do good things, and has done some himself, but he's never once said (as far as I know) that people should follow a moral code. He has never told others to live the way he does.
@
So what does that make him? Imperfect, but one hell of a lot better than a sizeable number of politicians. You know who I'm talking about - there's been at least a dozen this year alone and one who announced his divorce just last week. In my book, Tiger ranks higher than all of those sanctimonious assholes who have cheated on their wives and kept their political fortunes mostly intact. And yet their incomes aren't going to decrease like Tiger's is for next year. Hardly seems fair.
@
To quote Forrest Gump, and that's all I have to say about that.
@
Cheap Shots:
@
Given that Republicans used this technique for 6 straight years to get every single piece of foul legislation passed, how musty can the folders be? Or are they just stained?
@
This alone makes me think that we should audit the Fed.
@
Joe, you're a Republican. Get it over with.
@
Joe Barton of Texas said this. The Pentagon and the CIA say this. Conclusion? Joe Barton (R-TX) is a terrorist.
@
@
@
The wider he grin, the more he comes across as the village idiot he truly is.
@
@
@
Guess what? The gun laws were tougher under Bush.
@
Ah, Nevada - where it's possible for a member of the Assembly of God to be outraged by male prostitution because it might infringe on traditional brothel business.
@
You can make the argument that he dropped out because of the potential pay cut, but he's being termed out and will be moving to even less. good thing he owns several restaurants.
@
The answer is (ahem!) No, you fucking idiot!!!!
@
Stewie as Darth Vader. In ice!
@
I wonder if these guys wear top hats and tails and monocles to these meetings.
@
And because I love you, Jawbox. And of course, the one that was broadcast as well.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
@
@
Today is Gin and Tonic Cheap Shots Friday, although if it's cold where you live (as it is where I live) then Hot Sake will also do:
@
About time there girlfriend. I saw this one coming from the very day we discovered what "Hiking the Appalachian Trail" really meant.
@
Santarchy!!!
@
So who's going to win the Golden Dukes this year?
@
Read this carefully. Apparently Fascists can travel through time. Francisco Franco may not still be dead after all!
@
30.
@
Psychocoaster, q'est qa ce?
@
If this stays in the healthcare bill, it's officially a disaster.
@
Senator Baucus, it's looking even worse.
@
I'm kinda sick of Law & Order too, but your argument really doesn't hold water. Do you recognize you're defending yourself from the words of a fictional character?
@
And because I love you, Morrissey. No political message - I just like the song.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
@
12/9/09 - Shit Sandwich
Compromise
@
So a potential deal has been reached in the Senate that drops the public option in exchange for lowering the Medicare Age, a mandatory loss ratio inserted into the bill by Al Franken (who is well on his way to becoming a great Senator) that mandates 90% of all moneys earned to be spent on medical care, and a public option trigger if certain goals are reached.
@
I honestly don't know what to think. I like the Franken amendment, I hate dropping the public option. I like the Medicare age lowering, I hate the trigger.
@
I don't think I have enough information yet to weigh in. It may be a day or two. But my gut feeling is that $10 is better than nothing, but it's still nothing when you're trying to make rent.
@
Cheap Shots:
@
My favorite band in the world has been nominated for an Immie, for Best Mainstream Band or Duo!
@
To all of those teabaggers out there screaming "keep your hands off of my Medicare", where the hell have you been for the past 2 decades?
@
That ACORN "scandal" about giving tax advice to pimps and so on? Turns out the tape is edited and voiceovers added and completely inadmissible.
@
This man is in a good job for us all now, but can't we put him back in his old job? This man is the reason Reagan wasn't able to completely screw us over.
@
Okay, she's not bad. And yes, we can impeach Clarence Thomas - it can be done, but so far idiocy isn't actually a crime.
@
Dick.
@
@
John Stewart again exposes stuff no one else noticed. In this case, it seems to come across that Gretchen is as cynical as she says the rest of us are.
@
I have known for some time that the man is a songwriter, but this is a bit weird.
@
This is brilliant. So is this. Sarcasm rocks!
@
Somebody finance this! Please!
@
Glen Beck, you racist fuck.
@
No, you're not. You need help, lady.
@
@
Yes, Steve Albini is great.
@
Faux News: wrong 120% of the time.
@
This could make things very interesting.
@
A primer on how to do a 180 on your personal beliefs within a few days time, courtesy of Lou Dobbs.
@
I wonder if Golf Digest is regretting this cover.
@
Apparently I cannot run for political office and hold it in North Carolina.
@
And because I love you, Cloud Cult.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
@
@
I had my first run in with the "War on Christmas" loons today. Later than usual for the season, and for once I was on my game verbally.
@
I'm one of those people, like most people, who has the snappy comeback ready about 3 days after the event. I always come up with good ones, but they tend to be a tad late. I have children growing up now, and that's made me faster on my feet.
@
So, I'm at the local Walgreens picking up some breakfast when the clerk (whom I know casually) says "Happy Holidays". I reply with the same. When I get out of the store I get cornered by this jackass who complained that I didn't say "Merry Christmas". I seem to attract these nuts, much in the same way that Liza attracts gay men and people with pet allergies attract cats.
@
First of all, it's "Happy Christmas". I usually respond with that. People always quote the poem 'Twas the Night Before Christmas as their justification for the phrase, but if you read the poem it's "Happy Christmas." "Merry" was substituted by Macy's in order to avoid a copyright suit. I usually throw that one at people, but this time I didn't. I instead said the following:
@
"You'll have to excuse me sir, but I was attempting not to be insulting. I'm not a Christian and it seems to me that if I use those words then all I'm doing is mocking you. Are you asking me to mock you? I'll do it, and I'll even give you a reduced rate!"
@
Oh, sorry, that's room 12A. This is abuse!
@
Now, my faithful readers (assuming that there is a plurality of you) that I mock everyone (including myself) mercilessly and sometimes with loving cruelty. But almost no one ever asks me to do it (my son does sometimes, but I think he's picking up pointers and is hoping to surpass his old man one day). This gentleman didn't either. He shut up and stalked away. Pity - I didn't get a chance to pull out the Mocking Smock.
@
Smock, smock, smock!
@
Er, sorry, had myself a Calvin and Hobbes moment there.
@
Anyway, Bill ORLY and the rest of you idiots, bring it on. I'm ready for you this year.
@
Cheap Shots:
@
Happy birthday Eli Wallach. The man is a national treasure, but it must have sucked for a while to have Pearl Harbor day on your birthday.
@
Given that he's going to college in a couple of years, my son needs to read this.
@
I gotta tell ya, your maze still looks simpler than the one I have now.
@
4, 5, 14, 19, 24, 28, 30, 31, 46, 47, 49 and I must admit, 50. All of those made me laugh.
@
Let's dig a little deeper and ask a "duh" question, shall we? How do 3 men, in 3 different cells, tie their own hands and feet together and then hang themselves, in the same night? Where are David Caruso and his magic shades?
@
I would seriously hope that she's qualified for the post, but I have to say, this looks bad. Real freakin' bad. Impeachment bad, Mr. "Democratic" Senator.
@
It ain't a bad song, actually, but I can see why he was a one-hit wonder. He sounds like just about everyone else from that moment in time.
@
Call the birthers! He's admitted it!
@
Um, if you're so tired that you need to hold the midnight mass at 10pm, maybe you should turn over the duty to someone else. But what do I know - I'm not a member of your church.
@
A fly on the wall at this cabinet meeting would have drowned. More from the President's page.
@
Apparently it's possible to stop a group of Arabic terrorists, confirm they were watching porn, confuse Spanish with Arabic, verbally threaten another passenger, and so much more, all without ever setting foot on the plane. By the way, can 11 people even fit on this plane?
@
I'm in agreement with other notes I've seen - the Pulitzer has been cheapened a bit.
@
The oops. Maybe they're just mad about Flavor Flav and all those women he gets.
@
Hey Joe, if you're going to found a party you should stay with it, so that some young prankster can't take it over and do this.
@
@
Dude, give it time and you can return to the obscurity you so crave. I mean, can you remember the name of the town in The Blair Witch Project?
@
And because I love you, Jill Sobule. Katy Perry can suck it. Jill's a genius - if you can find it, listen to her song "Vrbana Bridge" (I couldn't find a youtube video of it - sorry).
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
@
12/4/09 - It makes you feel dirtyc
@
My ex-wife pointed out the other day that "Going Rogue" is slang for anal sex. Given the hilarious misappropriation of the term "Teabagging" I have to ask, is there anything that the current "leaders" of the Republican party can't make dirty?
@
It being Friday it's time for your Gin and Tonic Cheap Shots, with maybe a shot or two of Goldschlager. I myself feel in the mood for Rum, so bottoms up:
@
Rachael Maddow is that rare commodity - an investigative reporter. I know she's on another network, but 60 Minutes desperately needs this woman.
@
We all know that they're doing nothing but trying to set up roadblocks, but attempting to be the only ones to take credit for it? But oh, the story gets even better.
@
Whatever you might think of the man, he's been pretty good on this issue for years (having survived cancer twice with public insurance) and he p0wnz Lieberman and Collins to their faces, in front of the press no less.
@
But this spells trouble for the Democratic Senator from PA.
@
Answer: We are DEVO.
@
I wonder how many of these requests come from David Caruso's sunglasses.
@
He can always go back to doping horses, I suppose.
@
Yo rabies girl! You first.
@
If you don't want people to make a mountain out of a molehill, don't put dirt on top of the molehill yourself, you idiot.
@
Speaking of which, the whole minarets thing didn't happen overnight.
@
Wow. I mean, wow. Even Ernest Saves Christmas did better than this.
@
Hey teabaggers! We filthy Socialists your word for us) are twice as good at creating jobs as you are!
@
In an apparent attempt to know where the terrorists are going to attack next, authorities in Brazil have asked Rudy Giuliani to set up a command center.
@
There is sadness tonight is North Kantstanditstan.
@
The trials and tribulations of being The Other Citizen of Oz.
@
Send a cleaning crew to Ms. Palin's suite, this made her head explode.
@
And somewhere in Chicago, a prosecutor has gone hoarse from screaming.
@
It's almost as if he doesn't really want to become senator.
@
Embrace the weirdness. Engage.
@
They helped make us fat, and now maybe they can reverse it.
@
@
And because I love you, and because of some sadness, The Alan Parsons Project. Eric Woolfson sings lead. Mr. Parsons plays keys and guitar. And extra points to whomever though it would be interesting to have a helicopter perform part of the song.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
@
12/3/09 - Infrastructure is sexy!
@
I have a solution to the economic crisis. The job crisis. The infrastructure crisis. And it will be cheaper than the alternative of not doing it. We need to build bridges.
@
It's no secret that the bridges in this country are is a sad state of repair. There were more than 200 bridge failures last year alone, including one that lead to substantial loss of life ($5 to the first person who can remember what major city that happened in). Most of these weren't even reported in the news; they have usually led to street closures and detours but the number is only going to go up as we as a nation pay so little attention to our roads.
@
People only notice this sort of this when it's a major bridge, or a big bridge. Living where I do we have daily updates on the rebuild of the bridge that stretches between San Francisco and Oakland. Face it, it's a famous bridge. But freeway overpasses are bridges. Street over- and under-crossings are bridges. Many freeway off ramps are bridges. Freeway interchanges are often bridges. When a freeway or highway has a separate truck route there is usually a bridge involved somewhere.
@
In Los Angeles there is even a famous section of freeway overpasses that is actually 4 bridges stacked and crossing one another. Trains use bridges by the thousands - some only a few feet long.
@
We need to have repair crews spread out all over the nation looking at, inspecting, and repairing our nations bridges. We're not talking about a short term fix either. We're talking about a large workforce of roving crews. Even I have no clue how big but it would be massive out of necessity. As long as we're a country driven by our love for cars as our primary form of transportation, we need this.
@
I hear all the time that infrastructure isn't sexy, but necessary. A lot of people have suggested it before me, and many more will come after. I'm here to tell you that it's sexy. Imagine yourself, a working woman/man, travelling the country and seeing the sights and doing your country and its citizenry a service at the same time. What's not to like?
@
Cheap Shots:
@
Fixing this doesn't appear to be in any of the health-care bills. That should change.
@
Sorry Mr. President, but this man's nomination should be withdrawn.
@
Rush Limbaugh gets pwn3d by Captain Kirk/T.J. Hooker/Denny Crane/That guy from that one episode of Twilight Zone with the gremlin on the airplane wing/The Priceline Negotiator/The Rocket Man/Conan O'Brien's resident beat poet. Remember, he is from Canada.
@
So Apple Inc. rejects an iPhone app because it features respectfully drawn cartoon faces of every member of congress, but it allows this bullshit?
@
It's a good point - maybe a bit less focus on the bad and out of context science, and more on the crime committed.
@
@
I met George C. Scoot once, back in the 1970s, when he was filming a movie called "Rage" that my father worked on (he worked as a stunt pilot on two films, the other being Charley Varrick). My dad lost his pilot's license over a technicality involving the film and Mr. Scott testified at a hearing on his behalf. I have never forgotten his words (according to my father) afterwards, when my dad didn't get his license back; "Idiots are easy to impress and impossible to convince."
@
Lady, you're not a victim of character assassination - it committed suicide.
@
You just can't make up shit like this when it comes to television.
@
I keep wondering if this movie is directed by Marty DiBergi.
@
Aren't you supposed to get elected before you sell your soul to the K-Street Lobby?
@
Okay, this story has gotten stupid. How about we send a chain of confusing text messages and see if they show up?
@
Although this story comes from near the Mexican border, I'd imagine that it comes first from Florida. Obama X.
@
Sometimes Tweety realizes that he's a twit.
@
Justice Alito: Suppose a city, to attract more students at spring break, decided to create a huge beach in front of privately owned homes and have televised beach parties. Doesn't that, as a practical matter, have a real effect on the value of the property?
@
Say what you want to about the country and it's issues, but the architecture of Dubai is just freakin' awesome.
@
When you say Maverick, you should mean this.
@
And because I love you, Spirit, with an official rock video so old that it's in black and white. Audio quality isn't great, but this is kinda rare.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
@
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
@
12/2/09 - one little sentencec
@
So did you notice it in the speech last night? You know, the Afghanistan speech? The one and only thing designed to get the Afghans on our side that actually might work? I bet you didn't. No one else seems to have.
@
I honestly don't know what to think about last night's speech. I'm glad the Taliban is no longer in power in Afghanistan, but it seems to me that the objective to winning the war in Afghanistan is to win the war in Afghanistan. Sounds an awful lot like Vietnam to me, and I'm old enough to remember. The audience didn't seem that engaged, which is a rare thing for a man as charismatic as our current President. People on the left and right are saying it wasn't his best work. The left is saying that Obama has appropriated the Bush Doctrine (I don't see it that way) and the right is saying he didn't listen to his commanders in the field (and it looks to me like he did). The war isn't popular, unless you're Karl Rove - one of the few people who thinks Obama did everything perfectly - at least he did before the speech.
@
Dude, when you're biggest supporter is Karl Rove, maybe a longer re-think is in order.
@
There's a certain Colin Powel feel about Afghanistan. It wasn't in great shape when we got there, but we broke it so there is a bit of an obligation to fix it. I think the wrong men are in charge over there, both the guy leading the military effort and the guy leading the country. Sending troops into a battle situation just before you accept the Nobel Peace Prize drips of an irony thick and acidic. But no one should be surprised by the move - after all, Obama did say he wanted to do this from the very beginning, back when we still called him "Young Senator Obama".
@
But Obama did something in the speech that I rather liked in speechifying terms. He talked about history. He talked about the Soviet occupation. He talked about how the country has suffered oppression in one form or another for decades and that it has to stop. And then he said (and I'm paraphrasing a bit) that the Taliban was also an occupying force.
@
That's a much bigger statement than you might think. The Taliban ran the country for several years and was made up for a long time by warlords the United States had funded when they were fighting the occupying Soviets. They were a government. For the first time, we are equating them with Vichy France.
@
I personally think this is a brilliant move, and should be highlighted more. This war is unpopular here at home, abroad, and in Afghanistan itself. But to call the Taliban a deposed occupying force that we're going to drag to Nurnberg is one hell of a P.R. move.
@
This is Obama's war now, so there should have been more of it.
Cheap Shots:
@
And then almost immediately after praising Obama, Rove remembers his nickname.
@
Maybe we should count these people as well as part of the total "force" in Afghanistan.
@
It appears that The Family, aka the house called C-Street (home to several members of congress and three sex scandals), advocates murder.
@
No Dobbs for you!
@
So ACORN is supposed to be a liberal Halliburton?
@
I put up a post on facebook (gasp!) last night that said "friends don't let friends tweet drunk". Then there's Tweety. Somebody needs to tape his mouth shut.
@
@
Wow, so his best advice is to wait for a handout?
@
And this week, in the role of John Ensign/Oral Roberts/Mark Sanford isc Tiger Woods? Frankly, I liked David Letterman's approach; "I fucked up - deal with it."
@
The most articulate blogger on the right refuses to go over the cliff.
@
If I muck around the basement at most I'll find a dead rat. This guy found a bowling alley.
@
He's 26 years old. He's of Asian descent. He's working on his Master's Degree. He's gay. Call him Mr. Mayor.
@
I have to wonder if you should ever trust someone as your wingman a person who gives the same advice every time for every situation, even though it's never worked.
@
The Sam Adams Brewery people have created a new beer that's banned in 13 states.
@
Keith Knight is one of the greatest cartoonists of our age. Here's an example of why.
@
@
Look dude, if you don't want to be seen as supporting rapists, then stop fucking supporting rapists!!!
@
Out.
@
Equality didn't happen in New York after all. But it looks like it will in D.C.
@
As far as protests go, this one is pretty imaginative. I wish their voices had been a bit better though.
@
I've been doing this for years, but now there's a snarky way to do it. Print and put it in the kettle.
@
The Boys from Brazil for real?
@
And because I love you, Sniff 'n the Tears.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
@
@
@
Cheap Shots:
@
Oops.
@
Mike Huckabee has a Willie Horton Problem.
@
@
Am I the only person who hears Aretha Franklin singing when this stuff is talked about?
@
And because I love you, Sid and Suzi.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
++++++++++++++++++++++
@
@
Yeah, the holidays do it to ya every time. I want to talk about Chris Matthews. Yes, Tweety himself. because Tweety flat out rocked the abortion debate last night. Who'dathunk he could do it?
@
He had on the Rhode Island minister who has banned a Kennedy from receiving communion because he supports choice. He pointed out to the man of the cloth that his position is inconsistent - that if you want to punish people about abortion you need to go after the ones having them. Women. And if you do that and believe the things you do, you have to go after them and charge them with murder.
@
And if you do that, you're creating a class of criminal that is discriminatory - i.e. only women can be punished for it. To quote Crooks and Liars, "The churches can't have it both ways. They can't advise forgiveness and legal exemption for one specific class of murders."
Doesn't the Catholic Church say you're supposed to forgive murderers?
@
And who would have thought that Chris Matthews, Mr. "I'll bow down to anyone who does analysis on TV", had this kind of fight in him?
@
Cheap Shots:
@
Can we make him get into one and stay there?
@
If at first you don't concede, try try again.
@
37.
@
NSF.
@
Rahm's required reading.
@
@
As I've said for years, cuts in education funding will make you stupid. Here's proof.
@
No way. Way.
@
@
Years ago, a comic strip I love called "Fox Trot" ran a strip where the youngest son was trying to prepare for an impending vacation to Hawaii by watching repeats of Magnum P.I. His conclusion, Hawaii is full of "Beach Babes, Fast Cars and loud shirts". Being only 10, he tried to fast-forward through the beach babes, but "Geeze, they're everywhere!" I feel the same way about the ucking funqualified one (and for the record, it's probably the biggest laugh Jimmy Fallon has ever gotten out of me - hunt down the YouTube clip for yourself).
@
@
And because I love you, a short film instead of a song - The Hunt For Gollum. have a good holiday!
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
@
11/19/09 - The power of prayerc
@
"Pray for Obama: Psalm 109:8"
@
That's the new bumper sticker/t-shirt/coffee mug. It's not as nice as you might think. Here is the actual text of that Psalm; "Let his days be few; and let another take his office." The one following it is even worse; "Let his children be fatherless, and his wife a widow."
You know, we liberals had witty bumper stickers too. "1/20/09" was a good one. "Lick Bush" was another. But we never asked anyone to pray for his death.
What the fuck is wrong with you people?
Cheap shots:
I have to admit that it's a fair point. You're worried about KSM getting a fair trial? In New York City?
This is fairly asinine coming from a man that gets government run health care from two different sources.
I want to play poker with Bill ORLY. Frankly, he's not very good at gambling and I could use the money.
But I bet he'd want to inflate his entourage.
Geez, Patrick, just how long have you been a Senator? (yes, I'll take a cheap shot at a Democrat I like too)
Not as long as a certain West Virginian, that's for sure.
Every woman I know thinks that the new Breast Cancer Screening Guidelines are a load of crap. Who am I to argue? Even the government thinks the new guidelines are crap.
How a bill gets mugged. With apologies to Schoolhouse Rocks.
We're going to miss a deadline.
What does Harry think he knows that we don't? Maybe it's the numbers.
Maybe this story is as much about the mother of the year, let alone some jackass tasering a 10 year-old girl.
Did you know that your huge flat-screen TV is a Humvee?
Maybe if some "hunter" can shoot at Glenn beck's house we can get him off the air too.
Speaking as a musician, I have to back Islam on this one.
Speaking of musicians, Mark Obama.
Look at the address of the company that former CEO and current Senator Ben Nelson (D-Kill Healthcare) and see if everything doesn't just fall into place for you.
Ah, the political wisdom of Clint Eastwood. Even I have trouble finding fault with his "teenage twits" comment.
Even now that he's the host of Late Night instead Jimmy Fallon can still take a promising Saturday Night Live sketch and run it into the ground.
Check out the cast of The Screwtape Letters!
And screw you while we're at it. So he played Tourist-in-chief while in China. If you think you wouldn't too you're full of shit. I mean, come on - how can a trip to China not include the Great Wall?
Maybe it's time for something other than tuna.
And because I love you, Fuck Buttons. I'm generally not into techno, but I like these guys - techno with attitude.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
@
11/11/09 - thanks to the vets, blah blah blah
@
Yeah, my column for today isn't going to be about that.
@
Can someone explain to me, with a woman running the House of Representatives, how a health care bill gets passed that screws a basic part of women's health? I'm not talking about the abortion ban that got tagged in at the last minute. I'm talking about how the current plan doesn't cover Gynecological exams. Pap smears are covered, but the visit to the doctor itself isn't.
@
Um, say what?
@
Call your senators, your representatives. As long as basic Gynecological exams and other legal types of health care that are exclusive to women and their sexuality aren't covered, we men need to... um... "man up". It would be worth the price of admission to see some men for once saying what women have been saying for decades, "keep your laws off of my body."
@
Let's be blunt about this. If we can't cover gynecological exams and legal procedures for women, then we shouldn't cover erectile dysfunction either. And Bob Dole doesn't approve of that.
@
Cheap Shots:
@
"Gorillas Don't read Nietzsche." "Yes they do, they just don't understand it." 10 points to name the movie reference.
@
Lou Dobbs is out on his racist ass.
@
@
I give it 48 hours before someone calls Obama and/or Biden a murderer.
@
And because I love you, Elton John and k.d. lang.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
@
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
11/9/09 - It takes a sinner to hate
The first person who can give me photographic (non-photoshopped) proof that they carried a sign and protested outside of the Westboro Church of hate in Kansas that reads as you see below I will send $20 via PayPal to. I promise nothing more and will only pay for this once.
"GOD IS LOVE. IT TAKES A SINNER TO HATE."
I live in California and can't afford the travel otherwise I'd do it myself. My family was from Kansas and I find these people an insult to the family I still have there. These misguided morons have protested against military families, against movies, and against just about anything you can think of. People have the rights to their opinions and even though I despise them (yeah, it's probably a sin but I am comfortable with my flaws) and think the venues they pick are tasteless at best and Satan-inspired at worst (and I'm an atheist) they have the right to their opinions.
But I'm going to speak to you as a father.
You don't mess with children. Not ever. There are no good circumstances for it - not ever. I don't give a damn whose children they are. You don't mess with children. You protect them. You nurture them. You raise them as you best see fit. You try to give them more than what you had.
You don't picket children, you fucking numbskulls.
$20, U.S. It's not much but it's not nothing. That offer is firm, and I will contact and pay privately the first person who sends me proof.
@
On a more personal note - yeah, I haven't been posting regularly for a while. Let me tell you, H1N1 really kicks your ass. I'm still coughing and get tired easily.
Cheap Shots:
@
By the way, if these dickheads decide to protest at the funerals of those killed at Fort Hood, I would not be surprised if someone beat the ever-livin' crap out of them. I usually say "shoot them" in cases like this but Fort Hood has had too much of that already? Also notice my use of the Glenn Beck Defense.
@
Jake and Elwood were also on a mission from god.
@
The founder of DailyKos (a veteran) makes a draft-dodger cry.
@
Jon Stewart makes fun of a man who cries.
@
Obama weighs in, and he gets it right (mostly).
@
Fact: The health care bill passed by the house this past weekend is shorter than a Harry Potter novel.
At least one GOPer doesn't have hate about god in his life.
@
Gook? Seriously? Gook?
@
@
And because I love you, Joan Jett.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
@
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
@
@
I'm probably going to stick with cheap shots today. I was sick for a while there, and it sucked, so I may ask that others do the heavy lifting. On the plus side, it appears that I don't need to get a vaccination for H1N1 and I can fit into my skinnier pants now. I have to ask though, what the fuck is up with every news site in the country redesigning their sites to look like Huffington Post? CNN, SFgate, Salonc please people, try to differentiate yourselves.
@
The Governator really doesn't like San Francisco.
@
Neither does fate, or so it would seem today.
@
This has been left out of the health care debate and shouldn't be. Men can vote on the validity of this once it's possible for you to have it.
@
Someone needs to walk up to Joe Lieberman and flick a single finger into his forehead and ask, "you schlemiel, what's wrong with you?" If I ever get within 10 feet of Glen Beck I guarantee that I will do it to him.
@
And thank you Norman Lear for teaching me that word.
@
@
@
Proof positive that the ballot initiative process in California is all fucked up.
@
I don't think the Colonel would have been pleased.
@
Prediction - if this happens, I will get an iPhone.
@
Turns out it wasn't true - Scalia never said it. The reporter was sloppy. Believable though, wasn't it?
@
@
Turns out the police were a bit sloppy too.
@
@
@
I used to get annoyed at Olberman's parody of Lou Dobb's voice - not the smackdowns of the man's racism but just of his voice - it just seemed too over the top. But seriously, who the hell uses the word "canard"?
@
I would rather have hot pokers put through my eyes than watch this. Where is Aaron Sorkin when we really need him?
@
To many members of congress, contempt of congress doesn't have to take place in an election year. In fact, that's often the best time for it.
@
Suppose he still needs protection?
@
Somebody help out Tom Tomorrow, please.
@
The Newt Gingrich memorial Pit Bull shelter!
@
"One thing you'll never regret is travel." Sounds like Uncle Owen was one of the good guys.
@
And because I love you, David Armand (as interpretive dancer Johann Lippowitz) and Natalie Imbruglia performing Torn. Watch the whole video - as they used to say, cwait for itc
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
@
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
@
@
Hello everyone. As you might have noticed, I haven't been writing much here lately. No, I'm not sick or anything, and the level of how busy I am hasn't really changed - it's just I'm finding it hard to care lately.
@
Reality lapped satire during the drunken chimp years and has recently lapped it again. Today a Florida Congressman left congress to join a think tank, so that he can more effectively affect policy in the middle-east. Michael Moore discovered that airline pilots are getting second jobs. The winner of the Nobel Peace Prize sent 13,000 troops into a war zone. Orly Taitz (of "that nigga can't be President" fame) is fined $20,000 for bad-mouthing a judge and her response is to bad-mouth the judge. It took a comedian to point out to the people at Fox "News" that gays aren't vampires and can actually be photographed.
@
The Republican party apparently can't tell the difference between disaster shelters and concentration camps. A popular right-wing blog is so incensed by a committee vote by a single senator that they plan on sending 5 pounds of a powdery white substance (salt) to the capitol. A group of jackasses sent people to a grade school to protest the singing of a song that had our President's name in it - almost none of them were parents (come on now, who the fuck protests 4th graders?). Arianna Huffington called on the Vice-President of the United States to resign because he holds an opinion she agrees with.
@
There's a new FTC rule that wants bloggers (private citizens) to say when they've been compensated after posting an opinion but has no requirement for newspaper/television reporters to do the same*. The Biggest Loser sent home the one guy everyone liked. 30 Republicans voted against a law (put up by Al Franken) that would allow a woman to sue her rapist(s). The chairman of the Republican party puts up a new website that features him dancing - apparently unaware that Ally MacBeal is no longer on the air. This same man today referred to himself by comparing healthcare legislation to a speeding train and claiming he was a cow on the tracks. Michelle Bachman let the world know she has 5 children and 25 foster children and that's the reason she stays in Washington (yeah - imagine the noise! the noise! it explains her particular brand of crazy, doesn't it?)
@
Summer Glau is joining the cast of Dollhouse. A 7 month-old baby was denied health coverage for obesity. Los Lobos played at the White House (sweet!)
@
CNN is outreaching to Latinos and upping Lou Dobbs' exposure on the network. A Congressman from Florida no one had even heard of 2 weeks ago might become President in 2016. Remember that website for the GOP I mentioned above? It also claims that Jackie Robinson was a Republican (he attended one of their conventions, and said that he felt like a Jew in Nazi Germany). Rush Limbaugh stands an outside chance of becoming an owner of the first football team without any black players since the 1960s (not any more though - that changed today as his partners dropped him). There are members of congress who can't tell the difference between Mad Magazine's "Spy vs. Spy" and reality.
@
Oh, that same GOP Chairman today asked if we can have a Rodney King moment (the beating or the riot?). His new website also referred to Ronald Reagan as Ronaldus Mognus. It must be his porn-star name. The Senate Majority Leader seems to not know what the word "Leader" actually means.
@
I get a lot of this stuff from surprisingly few sources. They are dailykos, crooksandliars, talkingpointsmedia, atrios, salon, cnn, and fark. I always double-check my sources (remember when that was something that reporters did?) which is why in my cheap shots sections you always see links going to other places. Today everything you see referenced above can be found at those six websites.
@
All anyone who does satire these days has to do is sit back and let it happen, which is why I haven't been writing much lately. I mean, how could I possibly improve upon this stuff?
@
And because I love you, The Stanley Clarke Trio (featuring Hiromi and Lenny White), whom I saw this past weekend.
@
*This editorial brought to you by the letters F and U and by the number 11.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
@
10/9/09 - Okay, who of us can honestly say they saw that coming?
@
I sure as hell can't. The Nobel Peace Prize? Seriously? When I woke up to the news this morning I stared at the TV in a bit of disbelief and then told my wife, who replied, "What for?"
@
The right has exploded this morning because it comes across that Obama won the prize for simply not being George W. Bush, and I have to admit that there may be some truth to this. Despite his short time in power (and think on this - he was nominated back in February, less than one month after becoming President) he has done a lot to repair our reputation on the world stage, and I suppose that counts. He has done a lot on the world stage, no doubt, but even though they are inherited wars he is still in charge of two separate wars we're waging. I mean, how does the winner of the Nobel Peace Prize send more troops to Afghanistan?
@
I worry that he was given the prize for simply trying. I'm not sure that's good enough. Jimmy Carter didn't get one for bringing Began and Sadat together and they actually signed a peace treaty. (Carter's win came much later). Not to begrudge the man his win, but I'm not all too sure I would have awarded it to him. But the reasons are indeed hard to argue with. Hey, better accolades than shoes.
@
All that said, I'm hella proud as an American to see our President win. I would have been proud if the last President had one it. Surprised as hell, and I would swear off drinking, but I would have been proud. I'm proud every time one of our own wins a Nobel Prize. Even John McCain says he's proud. As I say from time to time, What the fuck is wrong with you people? Funny how people who have no say in an issue always have an opinion about it - like those people you run into in the supermarket who always have advise about your kids when they have none of their own. I use the same explanation when I say I don't really have an opinion about O.J. Simpson - what the hell do I know? I wasn't there.
@
Obama, of course, accepted the award. Who wouldn't? And he once again showed us all that he has some ability to speechify. As I said, I'm proud of him, and for him. And expectations of him just got even higher.
@
We as Americans can call this a win.
@
Cheap Shots (drinking sake today):
@
Hey, it turns out that Obama won another award today too!
@
I am curious, how does a guy this impressive get elected from Florida?
@
Of course, there's the question of the $14 Million.
@
As if those of us who collect Japanese comics didn't have enough to worry about. As Some Guy with a Website points out, she'll be the oldest person posingc
@
At least we didn't erase Neil Armstrong's footstep.
@
I'm with Olberman on this one - Rush has the right to buy the Rams. But good luck having a full roster of players, dude.
@
Isn't it nice to have a President who looks like he enjoys life? We haven't had that since Reagan.
@
World-wide Megacorporation p0wn3d by a group of Swedish 6th graders.
@
@
When the Grand Jury calls, you go.
@
BTW, not to take anything away from the whole Nobel Prize thing, but this was planned before all of that.
@
And because I love you, Yusef Islam.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
@
@
So did you see Olbermann last night? If not, click here. You need about an hour. I don't live in one of the areas he targeted at the end, but for those of you who do, how about making it happen?
@
Cheap Shots:
@
Even Charlie Wilson says enough.
@
@
As Digby points out (another woman already in her place) independents aren't really middle-of-the-road.
@
By this logic, I support the right-wing craziness of Ted Nugent because I bought the Damn Yankees album.
@
@
It's not Lennon/McCartney, but Gershwin/Wilson could be pretty amazing.
@
The Boy Who Harnessed The Wind.
@
@
He's 95 years old, he spent a lot of time on the floor with your mother, and he can kick your ass.
@
@
@
You know, it's like they're trying to get census takers killed.
@
@
Pass out the White Coats. New scandal in 5c 4c 3c
@
And because I love you, the surreal (and pretty good) pairing of Garth Brooks and KISS.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
@
@
Let's see, I've been down a few days, so what have I missed? Let's seec
@
I was pretty young at the time so I don't remember, but were we in Vietnam as an official combatant 8 years? Maybe Obama needs to borrow the drunken chimp's aircraft carrier.
@
Hey you fence-sitting Republicans, $81,000,000,000 savings booooy!
@
Tom Delay bows out of Dancing with the Stars due to injury. He actually gave it a good attempt (other than the version of Wild Thing that many generations of his family will be unable to live down) but then went out like the graceless fucker he really is.
@
Apparently people have nothing better to bitch about than ACORN. Well, some of us noticed that the City of New York found something far, far worse.
@
We learned that not only are many of these people bigots, they're sexists too.
@
Speaking of which, Al Franken rocks.
@
I have to ask, what exactly does Clarence Thomas actually do?
@
You can't come to much of California - there isn't a place for you to stay.
@
Apparently the Bible became too liberal while I wasn't looking and so now it's being revised. Dude, unless your job title includes the word "Pope" you're screwing with the wrong book. If you're the head of a church you can write your own I suppose, but the guy doing this is just some random jackass.
@
One of the largest messes in the world is inc Canada?
@
A Fox "Anchor" went in the other direction!
@
Speaking of Faux, I thought they didn't embrace détente.
@
If Michelle Bachman is so bad at differentiating left from right how does she put her shoes on in the morning?
@
So some moron named Jon puts up what he believes is fine art (and his own creation) complete with an explanation of it all as to how America's constitution was handed down by god. Some will love it, most will hate it. I thinks it's fairly close to Dogs Playing Poker myself - as the son of an artist I know for a fact that the great (and most of the good) stuff doesn't need annotations. It's crap. But the parody is pretty damned funny. It's done by one of my favorite webcomic artists.
@
I didn't know that he smoked. Should I even pretend to care?
@
Bob Dole says pass healthcare reform!
@
You can buy a defaced X-box 360 for $1.1 Million.
@
We learned from CNN that the debate over health care has now become should we just let illegal immigrants die, even children.
@
We learned that the current Governor of Texas doesn't give a damn if an innocent man was executed.
@
@
It's happens all the time; a community rallies around a sick child. But this effort is superheroic.
@
The guy who might become in charge of the war in Afghanistan is the same guy who covered up the cause of the death of Pat Tillman.
@
Karl Rove got his twitter account temporarily suspended.
@
We learned that Sean Hannity can't tell the difference between a gay rights pioneer and child molesters, that he can't remember what he sat through in church two days ago, and that Glen Beck likes to insult women who have had miscarriages.
@
I pray, tell me, wasn't there an episode of West Wing about this?
@
An insurance company sued an entire state because they felt their profits weren't high enough.
@
And, oh yeah, Fox "news" lies.
@
After all of that, what do we need Cheap Shots for? Let's go have a drink instead. But I will present you with a picture of an ugly fish to keep you going. This site is pretty cool.
@
And because I love you, Alice in Chains. It's almost like they never left.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
@
+++++++++++++++
@
@
Okay, so we didn't get the 2016 Olympics. That's not a reason for any American to cheer (although it certainly is a good one for the people of Rio to do so). Okay, so Obama's trip didn't work. It's not like he wasted the day (we now have a President who can walk and chew gum at the same time - get over it). But in the process you people who are cheering his failure are failing to recognize that you're bad-mouthing the United States of America.
@
What the fuck is wrong with you people?
@
Cheap Shots (get out your Gin and Tonic if you like, I'm having Sake):
@
The secret to Glen Beck's ability to cry. Yep, as suspected, he's just a con man.
@
As you dudes liked to point out 9 years ago, the other dude conceded. It's over.
@
Unlike the lies you've been fed, we're actually Number 17 if you take out autos and guns.
@
John Boehner must ride to and from work in a giant hamster ball.
@
So it turns out that a beloved celebrity is a horndog. So what?
@
This is the first really great newspaper to go free. It's been around 180 years. Will it make it to 181?
@
I wonder if the Governor of Texas has seen The Shawshank Redemption.
@
First they got their first ever Rush concert, and now this. Congrats.
@
And because I love you and in celebration of a certain movie release, Oingo Boingo. And if you don't love that, how aboutc CHER!!!
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
@
10/1/09 - Getting Edgy with the Muppets
@
So, should President Obama be jetting off to Europe for the day to try to land the Olympics for Chicago? An effort that he's been involved in since before he was even in congress, let alone in the Oval office. Should he be taking time out and doing this?
@
Hell yes. and I say this as a guy whose own adopted home town lost in the regional's to Chicago.
@
It seems that the primary complaints from people (aside from the nutcases like Glen Beck and similar) are twofold: one, that he should be focused on the healthcare battle and not be away from the office and two, that he's too busy to add one more thing to his plate.
@
Um, what the fuck?
@
One, given today's age haven't any of you people even heard of the freaking telephone? How about that new-fangled internet thingy? Being able to keep in contact with his people back in Washington should not be any big deal. If he needs to twist an arm or two he's got Biden in town, and I understand that Airforce One has a pretty nifty video-conferencing system.
@
Two, um, too busy? He's the President of the United States. That's part of the job, being busy. Obama himself said it during the campaign, that if you can't handle the multiple directions the job pulls you in every second of the day, you have no business holding the position. Yes, he's got 2 wars on. Yes, he's got the healthcare crisis going on. Yes, there are other issues making their way through the rounds, like climate-change controls and cap-and-trade and the G20 summit and students prisoner in Iranc
@
So he's taking 24 hours to try and bring a few billion dollars in tourist revenue to the United States, all the while having the ability to have discussions, conferences, etc. He's going to be working. I didn't see any of you dickheads complaining when the prior President took 4 days and sat on his ass watching the Olympics in China, with almost all of the exact same issues on his plate. Even I didn't complain much about it - if I had been in his shoes I might have done the same thing.
@
Dudes, the Olympics rock. Remember the chant? U!S!A! U!S!A!U!S!A! Can't you feel happy about anything?
@
Cheap Shots:
@
You have to remember that Jim Hensen was into subversive comedy, which makes this gold. Nice to see his son carrying the tradition on.
@
@
Maybe it's just that some members on congress don't want us to have the same kind of government-run health care that they already have.
@
@
Speaking of which, I know I'm linking to the last page of the article, but scroll down to the last few paragraphs. If this is real, it's going to get out. They always do.
@
If you live where I do, you don't need a car to get to nature. Funny that I had to go to a Philadelphia-based blogger to discover this.
@
50 years. The only thing I've ever seen in a fiction television show that scared me comes from there.
@
San Francisco loses a Diamond. Who will they ever find to wear those amazing head pieces now?
@
I've said it before and I'll say it again, who knew that a Rockefeller had this in him to do?
@
Remember back to high school when it turned out that the one guy who was the most homophobic in your class was actually gay and just hated himself? I wonder if Michelle Bachman has a similar issue with liberalism?
@
I pity da fool! Some great casting choices here, especially the guy from District 9.
@
The man who runs this site is a musician and fellow sax player, who is thinking of running for congress. I'd support him.
@
Even the military is sick of don't ask don't tell. (link goes to a report generated by the military)
@
Southeast Asia has had the shit kicked out of it for the past few days. Proof. More Proof. Still More. Often times we don't pay attention to the rest of the world anywhere near enough.
@
Isn't it nice to have a Vice President who doesn't just hide?
@
And because I love you, Electric Light Orchestra. Now you can finally see what he looks like without those sunglasses...
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
@
9/30/09 - I filed a complaint with the FCC today
@
When you file a complaint with the FCC you're only given 1,000 letters when you file over the internet. I used 992. My complaint in full, against FOX News:
@
I am lodging a formal complaint about Fox News Channel. They advertise themselves as fair and balanced when in fact they are nothing more than a political voice for a single political party. As such they should be sanctioned for false advertising, and for the use of a firm bias disguised as news.
There is a bigger issue, however. Fox News comes bundled for Cable Television distributors as part of a package that includes FOX Network, Fox Sports, and others depending upon the market. Bundling what has become a propaganda arm of a political party with a licensed broadcast network creates an implied forced requirement to carry the Fox News Network, and I believe this is against the law - using a company's power to enforce the carriage of a political message on the broadcast airwaves. If the channel were to stand alone and on its own merits, of course that would be acceptable, but this is not the case.
I respectfully request a formal public hearing into the issue. Thank you.
@
In early 1994, after 9 years in the business, I walked away from a promising and rapidly building executive career in the Cable Television business. I helped launch a couple of networks, and I'm proud of that. My reasons for getting out were personal and have nothing to do with the story I'm telling you now, but I say it to provide some insider information (and bonafides) about why certain channels are carried on your cable/satellite service.
@
It was in the early 90's that the "must-carry" rules came down. These rules state that cable providers must carry the local broadcast channels. This is common practice now, but in the early days many cable companies fought the requirements to carry the local channels as these were seen as the competition. Now they all work together.
@
I can remember the first contract I had to negotiate to carry a local NBC channel - we could have it for free, as long as we carried CNBC (for a fee) which at the time was just starting up to compete with what was then FNN (Financial News Network - the established power at the time in financial news). Other networks do the same thing.
@
I do not have a problem with the existence of Fox News (okay, I really do, but I'm a free speech sort of guy so I take the hit). I do have a problem with a political party's public arm using their power in the marketplace to force carriage of their channel. As was pointed out on Countdown just last night, there isn't anything on Fox News that is balanced. It's not a News Channel anymore but the broadcast arm of a political party, and as such should be forced to stand alone.
@
Seriously, can you name even one show on Fox News where it's just news? I can't. At the very least they should be forced to give up the "fair and balanced" moniker. Even the White House is getting fed up with it.
@
So there you have it. Fox News should be driven off the air or forced to admit what it really is.
@
Cheap Shots:
@
Did you know that a major tsunami hit American soil yesterday?
@
@
Newsmax is neither. Advocating a coup is treason. Take them out back and shoot them.
@
@
I know that Michelle Bachman is fucking crazy, but is she having surgery to try and resemble Michael Jackson?
@
And here's more about why Fox shouldnft be able to call itself a news channel.
@
Like following Isaac Newton, how does one follow this fellow?
@
Q. Not that one, the other one.
@
You idiots. If the Blue Collar Comedy has taught us anything, it's that guns and booze don't mix.
@
For me it's not about Polanski's guilt. He's guilty. If he wants to challenge the verdict, he can't do it as a fugitive. For me the issue is what did he do to piss off Switzerland so much that they arrested him this time as opposed to all the other times he's travelled therec
@
And because I love you, Erasure.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
@
9/24/09 - Eric Cantor is a fucktard
@
Took yesterday off. I don't work on my birthday.
@
You've probably seen it by now. Rep Tom Coburn telling a woman with a sick relative at a town hall meeting that her relative who needs an operation and has no insurance should sell everything she owns, go broke, get on Medicare, and then beg for charity. Well, Mr. Cantor, if you were in this woman's shoes, would you do it? See, I don't think you would. Imagine the following:
@
You're out of congress, but you're still a rich man. You no longer have the government insurance you had as an elected official, but that's okay, you have Blue Shield or something like that. You can afford it. Only it turns out that you have stomach cancer, and need surgery. Your health insurance drops you, because the cancer is advanced and it should have been found on your prior physical, when you were still in congress. It was a pre-existing condition, you see. No problem, you're still rich.
@
Only it turns out that that broker you've trusted for the past 30 years, the very man you have handle your investments, the very man who invited you to the christening of his youngest son and serves as a deacon at your church, he's part of the Bernie Madoff collapse. Your money was part of a ponzi scheme, and most of your assets no longer exist. Okay, still no big deal although it's an inconvenience now. Mortgage the house, maybe sell a car. Do a couple of public speeches - I hear those pay well. Only you're sick, and traveling isn't easy when you can't keep the nausea to a minimum.
@
So now you're not working, you're sick, and you're quickly becoming poor. No worries! There's always Medicare! Except you have too many assets to qualify. So! Sell the house, get rid of the other car (you can still keep one), get a small run-down apartment or better yet stay in a spare bedroom of a relative or a friend. Now you qualify, after the paperwork goes through - and that takes a few weeks. Now you can get some minimal care.
@
Only it turns out that during all that time while you were doing what you had to do to get where you needed to be your condition has gotten to the point where Medicare doesn't cover everything. So, you apply for a government program. Only the funding for those programs disappeared during the past 28 years. So there's no money from the government to help you. So you can go to charity!
@
Only it turns out that no one is giving money to charities because the economy is in such a state, so they don't have the money either. You can always call your friends - they're congressmen after all and make good money.
@
Only it turns out that in general rich people don't give their money away - rich people stay rich because they keep their money.
@
Now then, take away the word congress and use the word job.
@
How many tragedies did you count up there? What is presently one tragedy, getting sick, is now 12 under the Cantor plan, including the fact that it's a tragedy that he's such a fucking idiot. Would you do this willingly? I sure as hell wouldn't.
@
And Mr. Cantor, if you happen to say that you would do it, I'm prepared to go all Joe Wilson on your ass.
@
Cheap Shots:
@
I wonder if Massachusetts new Senator has a strange Roman middle name. I hear it runs in the family.
@
@
Who'd have thunk it? Jello Jay throws a solid punch and connects with a glass jaw.
@
A big fish named "Buttkiss", a holocaust survivor, a bus accident, a 75-gallon tank, over 175,000 smaller fish, and a pizza man who swears like a sailor. It has it all.
@
God as my witness, I thought they could swim in boiling water.
@
Barack Obama released a brilliant 4-minute video a while ago detailing his healthcare plan. Here it is again, in 4 seconds.
@
The dictionary of NetRoots lingo.
@
Political Photoshop Phail. Keep the eye bleach handy for a couple of them.
@
Al Franken for the win. I wonder how many other Senators have actually read the document they're sworn to defend.
@
The money that Alaskans get every year because of their oil will be more than halved this year. Wonder where the blame falls for that?
@
Oddly enough, The Sherriff of Nottingham used the money well, in my opinion.
@
And because I love you, one for yesterday's birthday boy. Okay, fine, this one too. 'syke!
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
@
@
I have started work on a book that does some work in comparing religious thoughts and examining what the three major western religions all have in common (yeah, hell of a topic for an atheist) but I've been thinking about something that I'd like you to meditate on as well. Why is it that the quote-unquote "good christians" are called "god-fearing"?
@
Understand that I don't ask this question out of ignorance. My mom taught Sunday School when I was a kid. My father and grandfather were Masons (Atheists don't get in). My Stepfather is a Mason. I grew up in California's bible belt. My failure to understand the term doesn't come from a lack of exposure. It's just that for years now I have been watching people preach that God is love while simultaneously preach positions of hate, and referring to themselves as "god-fearing".
@
So what are you afraid of?
@
Or a better question for you, how can you worship a god that you feel a need to fear? What are you, Mayan? Aztec? Fearing 2012?
@
Cheap Shots:
@
If you ever think it's impossible for the most partisan of Republicans and Democrats to ever get along, well, you really need to see this. I don't much like the wife of this couple, and have been at loggerheads with her politics for two decades, but as far as their marriage goes they're my heroes.
@
Without unions, shit like this used to happen every day.
@
"I think it's important to realize that I was actually black before the election"
@
Her of the day, Julius Genekowsky.
@
Even I didn't know this little medical secret. It's appalling.
@
I am a capitalist. Always have been. But I'm still going to go see this film.
@
I have to admit, I like the new Pearl Jam album.
@
My in-laws live in Iowa, and have their entire lives. Iowans are good people.
@
Um, you can't miss deadlines given by congress, even if you did buy them.
@
Mom?
@
Okay jackass, explain Hugh Hefner. And about every heterosexual man (and many women) that I know.
@
So I heard you raped a sea lion; how modern news gathering works.
@
Oops.
@
See, he did know what he was doing.
@
Okay, disbar her. Because crazy people have no fucking business practicing law.
@
Speaking of law, I have no clue if this man is innocent or guilty. I know very little about the case. But he should get a new trial.
@
@
And because I love you, The Wonder Stuff.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
@
9/18/09 - Rememberrrr to Arrr tomorrow!
@
Sorry my updates have been sporadic lately. Things have been rough in the daylight hours for me lately and by the time I'm hone and the stars are out I really don't have the energy or inclination to do much more than just say "Go watch Countdown". That's kind of lame, so I've left this alone. But it's Friday and it's time to bring out the Gin and Tonics, so let's have some fun today, shall we?
@
Don't forget about tomorrow, either.
@
And remember, government is good.
@
Cheap Shots:
@
Pyong-Yang, LA. I bet you won't see Bobby Jindal trying to take credit for this.
@
My first concert ever was Three Dog Night. My second was a double bill of Peter, Paul & Mary and Pete Seeger. Mary, you will be missed.
@
@
Questioning your insurance rates can get your ass arrested.
@
I love our President. He's human. And the force is with him.
@
And I love this move just for the sounds of Neocon heads exploding. I also love this move. And this one.
@
Meanwhile, the closer gets to work.
@
Oklahoma, not OK. Whatever they've been doing there, it isn't working. Mind you, I'd bet the results in the rest of the country aren't much better.
@
Wow. Just wow. Kirk is ON the mountain.
@
Here's hoping justice can be had.
@
If you want the trains to run on time, don't cut funding for the trains. Moron.
@
This week's health care hero, John Conyers.
@
This week's government hero, Russ Feingold.
@
Do not dis the czar!
@
Meanwhile, what did the previous administration do to people's income?
@
@
@
@
People have asked me for years how I can be against Israel when it comes to the Palestinian issue, even with Jews in my family. Well, here's one reason.
@
Tedd Rall is to the left of even me, something he's earned. This is hilarious.
@
Have you actually read the judge's smack-down of Orly Taitz? It too, is hilarious. And then late today he did it again!
@
The funny. From the new SNLoT.
@
The always funny Dave Foley does Glen Beck before Glen Beck did Glen Beck.
@
The Killers bring the funny and the cool out in a single dose.
@
Keep fuckin' that chicken. Okay, FCC, how does this compare to Janet's Tits? Oh, the look on the female co-anchor's face!!!
@
Okay, here's a consequence of global warming I bet you hadn't thought of.
@
@
I don't subscribe to any of the major news magazines. Here's why.
@
@
@
And because I love you, Lazy Lou's Boogie.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
@
9/14/09 - Nobody is going to write a better column today than this one
@
http://crooksandliars.com/node/31214
@
(Posted late because I went to a baseball game - man, Tim Linsecum can pitch!.)
@
Cheap shots:
@
To quote Roger Waters, "Does anyone remember Vera Lynn?"
@
all in all, I'd rather not be in Philadelphia.
@
I love this old building, and I will be sad to see it go, but go it should.
@
@
The death of Impulse Control.
@
And because I love you, Jim Carroll.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
+++++++++++++++++++++
@
@
So, how has your week been? Mine's been busier than usual - a coworker and friend is out sick (very suddenly) and I find myself doing my job and his. I've tried to update but I just haven't had the time.
@
It's been quite a week, hasn't it? Obama's two great speeches (and a third today), a controversy around a moron who can't keep a civil tongue, another in California who brags far too much, and so on. There's been tons of chatter on all of it and I really don't need to contribute more. Instead I'm going to share a few thoughts about today's anniversary.
@
It was 8 years ago today that I saw my flight to Japan grounded - it was the last flight in the U.S. grounded. It was 8 years ago today that a co-worker of mine with a very similar name led 18 people to safety from the burning rubble of the Pentagon. It was 8 years ago that a former co-worker of mine was killed because she had changed jobs two weeks previously. 8 years since the previous administration failed us all by failing to protect the country, and 8 years since the start of having his administration and its proxies blame everyone but themselves for failing to do their jobs.
@
And this is the first 9/11 anniversary without a Bush Administration. Pause for a moment to reflect on just how wonderful that is.
@
Fuck it, pause for the whole weekend. I'm going to. Then I'm moving on.
@
Cheap shots (Gin and Tonic Friday!):
@
@
An apology to Alan Turing and his bicycle.
@
This is truly a shame. If you don't believe he was a great drummer, listen to this. Or this. Or this. Or this. Or this. Or this. Or this. You get the idea.
@
Believe it or don't, when Kennedy died we were down to 98 Senators. We're back up to 99 now. Maybe that's the reason for this.
@
@
Wasn't Griff Jenkins that moron who screwed up World of Warcrest?
@
Pastor of Muppets shows us all that the people who really needed the "stay in school and work hard" speech are the ones who never did it themselves.
@
Oh by the way, grandma no longer thinks that Obama wants to kill grandma.
@
@
So who told about the eyepatch underwear?
@
And because I love you, Jonathan Coulton saluting the internet hero of all geekdom.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
@
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
@
@
Apparently the right wing wants to start a flash mob. They're sending out e-mails to tell people to keep their children from school next Tuesday, September 8th. That's the day that President Obama addresses the children of our great nation in a live satellite hookup being broadcast into classrooms across the nation. Sorry dudes, but my kids are going to school that day. Both have homework assignments due.
@
They have to be able to spell and define "oligarchy".
@
That's right, bypass the "C" that the Obama administration apparently stole and go straight to "D". There's your grade.
@
Keeping your children home from school because of H1N1 I can understand to a degree, but this is just plain stupid. It does, however show us how little these people actuallyc umc think.
@
Let's assume for a moment that Obama really is a Communist White-hating Muslim uncircumcised Kenyan. What you're telling us is that you have raised your children to be so stupid as to not understand when they're being lied to. That you don't trust them to try and find out the truth, and that you haven't given them enough guidance to figure it all out. In other words, you're admitting flat out that you're bad parents.
@
I've mentioned this before, that I have friends who are Republicans. They will be sending their kids to school next Tuesday. One, for the homework assignment mentioned above and two, because they have been raising their children to do the proper thing and think about what they're being told. I do the exact same thing with my children - and sent them to school when President Drunken Chimp had his own classroom address a couple of years ago. If anything, my son especially became more aware of politics after that and I'm proud of his ability to think and reason through the quagmire that is modern politics.
@
But the right-wingers apparently don't trust their children. They haven't raised them well enough (there are exceptions of course - on both sides). And they're admitting it publicly. Sad.
@
Cheap Shots:
@
Obama's speech the next day is the one to really watch. Please deliver one of your good ones - that's what I voted for.
@
I almost never bring out the Hitler comparison myself, because trying to equate anything at all to that monster just pales in comparison. So don't apologize for the fuck.
@
I recorded a song for my 4th album called "Oh, Michelle". I cut it from the album. This Michelle apparently cuts too. Go ahead, do it. I dares ya!
@
Dame Kiri Te Kiwana rocks the house.
@
I guess this is sort of like Mussleman's Law - "The Uglier the Brother, the Prettier the Sister"
@
@
I'm not sure this is an improvement. Remember, she was once a Nixon staffer.
@
And because I love you, Steve Vai.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
@
Sorry I missed a few days - I was sick.
@
After seeing Dick Cheney all weekend defending himself about torture and some of the twisted logic he used in its defense, I have decided that perhaps he has the right approach after all. I intend to use his own logic and methodologies to get very rich, very quickly. It will take some planning and careful maneuvering, but it can be done.
@
Sure, it's questionable legally, and ethically a bit out of the mainstream, but it can work with the proper planning and execution of the plan. Some forethought to the outcome and potential problems also needs to be worked out, but it can be done, and has been done in the past. A few people who have done this very plan have been called heroes, and a couple live to this very day in exotic locations - something I wouldn't mind.
@
I just have to get past that one little bit of moral squeamishness and I can protect my family from all comers, because being wealthy gets you some of that. The rest is sheer chutzpah, and I've got that - ask anyone or just read some of my past postings. So I'm going to use the Dick-ster's logic and put it all in place very soon.
@
I just have to get past my own moral qualms about the actual deed. After all, it's just a bank robbery - what could go wrong?
@
Cheap Shots:
@
It's all about thinking with yer dipstick, Jimmy!
@
If you want a health care system that kills a person every 30 seconds, breaks up marriages, and counsels people on how to die early without debt, keep what you already fucking have.
@
The symptoms of Republican Schizophrenia.
@
What the hell happened to Coolio?
@
I wonder sometimes if Mike Wallace ever disciplined his son. I wonder if he can start.
@
You know who else projects their own failings onto others? Child Molesters.
@
@
You birther son of a bitch, what is your major malfunction??!!!!?!!?!
@
Beware, all Virginia fornicators!
@
I'm pretty sure that the person who wrote the article skewered here would never inspire Tom Jones.
@
We just can't let this happen in America!
@
Support the band. Buy a shirt.
@
I wonder if this means that Iron Man, the Hulk, the Fantastic 4 and so on will all now get gloves and cute little round and ethnically appealing noses.
@
So shoot already woman!
@
And because I love you, and because I couldn't resist, Tom Jones.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
@
8/26/09 - The lion in winterc
@
I got home late last night, turned on the computer and discovered that Teddy Kennedy had died about 20 minutes earlier. It wasn't a shock, but it saddened me greatly. Politically, this man was one of my heroes, and one of the last from my childhood (only one remains, and that's a topic for another time). This is the end of an era for the Royalty of America. Teddy was the last one of his generation to go into public service, and those of the generation behind him have so far been pale imitations.
@
Ted Kennedy's father, because he could never be President himself (he was born in Ireland), pushed his sons towards that goal. Of the 4, three tried and one made it. It might have been 2 and 2 if oldest brother Joe hadn't died in World War II. Ted probably could have made it too but he was much more effective in the Senate and that's where he belonged. He served a very long time (46 years) and never backed down from a fight and until he got sick rarely missed a day's work.
@
There's been a lot of noise over the past few days about how if Ted were actually present in the Senate then Health Care would be a done deal already. I'm going to call bullshit on that. What many people do not realize is that the health care process is actually 4 bills. The one everyone is fighting over right now is the one that authorizes paying for things. The ones with the actual provisions have already been written and voted on and passed - they were written by Ted Kennedy.
@
Ted Kennedy was the Lion of the Senate, and his pride is squandering the many gifts he left for us. Robert Byrd, the only member of congress who has served longer than Kennedy did, wants the Health Care bill named after Kennedy. That's fine, as long as it has the things Kennedy wanted. The Public Option.
@
So we little lion cubs need to roar about it. If we want to honor the man's legacy, this is the way to do it. There was never a man of greater privilege who looked out for those without his advantages, so we should honor that. For more than 5 days. Think on his last great speech, given one year to the day before his death.
@
And remember, for some, hope is a 4-letter word.
@
Cheap Shots:
@
And as the day goes on, the literary world loses a lion of its own. Scroll down to the family. That's one hell of a family. It's a coincidence, but his son is guest starring, along with Wil Wheaton, on Leverage tonight.
@
So then so did the music business - we lost a Leader of the Pack.
@
I have no link for this, but what are going to be the first words out of Jon Stewart's mouth when he comes back from vacation?
@
Proof positive that Joe can be eloquent.
@
The lion gives to another lion.
@
John Stossel - because Geraldo's mustache can't be everywhere at once. I await Dogbert's debunking.
@
He doesn't wear a tin-foil hat. I wonder if it's the hair.
@
This is why I'm against the Death Penalty. Only one case and we're all turned into murderers.
@
Wow, that didn't take long. Rush, your very existence is an insult to the man's memory. Shut. The. Fuck. Up.
@
And because I love you, Bela Fleck & the Flecktones.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
@
8/24/09 - What the fuck is wrong with you people?
@
So now the new obsession is whether or not Obama was Circumcised. If I understand the twisted logic behind all of this, because the procedure was done routinely and sometimes without asking the parents back in those days, if he isn't circumcised then he must be foreign born.
@
Um, wow. Obsession with the size of a black man's penis. I get it now. You're all 12 years old. The guys are all whispering in the locker room about how to actually ask the question, while the girls are all trying to figure out how to "innocently" cop a feel.
@
I can remember when I was a young teenager finding a Hustler magazine abandoned on the street. I pretty much lost all interest in porn thanks to that experience (I mean, yeesh! It's the outer parts that are sexy, not the insides - not the guts - that's not sex it's gynecology) but one thing I do remember is this picture of the most impossible penis ever. It must have been three feet long and it was part of the anatomy of a black porn star. I have no clue if it was fake or not (I'm guessing fake - I mean, yeesh!) but that was all everyone could talk about at my school the next day when it was found out that I had a "forbidden" Hustler. I gave the damn thing away.
@
And as of today I'm having having flashbacks to this all because some of the "birthers" are now obsessed with the idea that we should examine Obama's schlong to determine if he's a feriner. I give up.
@
I hate you people. I hate you fucking idiots and those who exploit you. I hate that your education has made you this stupid.
@
And I hate that I hate you even more. It shouldn't be like this.
@
Edit: I posted this at Daily Kos as well. The irony of their automated tip jar is not lost on me.
@
Cheap shots:
@
Of course, I write all of the above and then Randall Terry makes it even crazier.
@
Doctor Shante is a hero!
@
@
Scotland pwns America.
@
And because I love you, Planet P Project.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
++++++++++++++++++++++
@
8/20/09 - A quick note/Cheap Shots/war on Canada
@
I'm taking the rest of the week off to celebrate my anniversary with my wife, but I thought I should point out that Daiper David Vitter has declared war on Canada.
@
"It's probably also not against the law to bring a can of gas and a match into an event. Is that a good idea? No."
@
Barack Obama stars in The Truman Show.
@
Note to self: If I ever win some sort of sports competition, keep the beard.
@
I wonder if Blackwater personnell get a shrink like Tony Soprano did.
@
Backbone, Nancy, backbone. Nice to see. Could have used it 2 years ago, but better late than never.
@
Hero.
@
Did they know that when they used his name for a riddle in Die Hard III that he possibly was ineligible to become President of the United States?
@
80 votes? 80? Okay, all of you out there protesting aren't stupid, you're victims! Because HE thinks you're stupid. No bill passes with 80 votes.
@
Mr. Ridge, all fine and dandy, but I don't remember if you actually resigned or not over this - I'm guessing no - although the answer could also be yes - and why have you been quiet until now?
@
Cash for Clunkers lived fast and died young.
@
@
Fromer says skip Arizona.
@
And because I love you, Franz Ferdinand.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
+++++++++++++++++++++++
@
8/18/09 - Ridin' the storm outc
@
Yes, I'm afraid that this cartoon is true. See for yourself. On her "squeaking by" salary I could get out of debt, pay for my kids college educations, join a gym, buy a new car take two weeks off and backpack around Japan, and still have money left over - and I live in one of the most expensive and desireable cities in the world. Sorry, no sympathy.
@
That's it for me today. I was supposed to post this yesterday but alas, my glasses got pinched yesterday and this late post is the first moment I've been able to see in two days.
@
Cheap shots:
@
United Breaks Guitars: Song 2.
@
And because I love you, REO Speedwagon.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
8/14/09 - So the most popular conservative in the 20th century is a commie pinko socialist?
@
The discoveries of healing science must be the inheritance of all. That is clear. Disease must be attacked, whether it occurs in the poorest or the richest man or woman simply on the ground that it is the enemy; and it must be attacked just in the same way as the fire brigade will give its full assistance to the humblest cottage as readily as to the most important mansion. Our policy is to create a national health service in order to ensure that everybody in the country, irrespective of means, age, sex, or occupation, shall have equal opportunities to benefit from the best and most up-to-date medical and allied services available.
@
@
Cheap Shots (gin and tonic, please):
@
In case you haven't noticed, even with all the money given out banks are still failing at an alarming rate.
@
Meet Chris Dodd's potential opponent in 2010 - I imagine there will be chair throwing.
@
Gotta give Arlen points for trying.
@
Synthetic oil astroturfing.
@
Attempting to reverse a Palin?
@
The San Francisco Chrionicle does a snarky turn on the birther movement. Of course, they're in on itc
@
H4T3.
@
WWJI?
@
The Periodic Table of Metal Bands. I love that Spinal Tap is on there.
@
In the meantime, thwart away, C Street, thwart away.
@
And because I love you, B'z.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
@
I'm going to step away from politics for today and discuss the great Les Paul, who died today at the age of 94. The man won his most recent Grammy awards back in 2005, at the age of 90. He was a tireless performer. He had a steady gig - every Monday - at the Iridium in New York City through this year. When his right elbow was shattered in an auto accident in the 1950s he had the arm permanently set at a 90 degree angle so he could continue playing guitar.
@
But of course he is most known for his two great inventions - the sold body guitar and digital multi-track recording. That link right there might not be the exact same performance, but I saw this demo'd at a rock concert when I was 19. I'm a guitarist, and I was floored by it. This was in 1983. I remember him layering 8 different guitar parts live, playing them all. He had been doing multi-layering on tape for decades (there is wonderful video out there on DailyKos of him performing with Mary Ford - 24 tracks on tape plus the two of them live) but he moved us all into the digital age at a time when 8-track players were still hot.
@
Les Paul created Rock and Roll. He invented the guitar that allows the creation of long tones. Of distorted tones. Without him there would be no feedback. Without his advances Moby would be waiting tables in New York. Without him a British record producer wouldn't have been inspired to seek out Jimi Hendrix. Without him no one would have ever thought up the pedal steel guitar. Without him the bass would be an upright instrument. Without him I wouldn't be recording albums in my own home for less money than the Rolling Stones spend on coffee every day.
@
Every recording artist in the modern age owes this man a debt of gratitude. Although he was never as big a star as some of the people who play his guitars (jimmy Page, The Edge, Slash - the list could go on for miles) he was every bit as necessary to modern popular music as all of the rest combined, and we'll all say so.
@
As I tell people about Ella Fitzgerald, I am truly glad I got to see this particular master play.
@
Cheap Shots:
@
Can someone explain to me why the hell I see ads for Evony everywhere?
@
It's all Bush's fault. With pie.
@
One more reason I stay away from the Healthy Foods trend. In the right crowd you can successfully make the same argument with beer and chocolate.
@
@
@
I don't think this is a sign that things are getting better.
@
And because I love you, one of the masters of digital multi-track recording (aside from me), Todd Rundgren.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
+++++++++++++++++++++++
@
@
While we all wait with anticipation as to whether or not our health care gets decided by the government death panels people fear are coming or by the insurance company death panels we already have can we talk about something very few people are actually discussing? Can we talk about your doctors?
@
Wow - crickets in August!
@
Cheap shots:
@
I've figured it out. When these people say they want to take their country back they're referring to the Confederacy.
@
@
Health Care Reform is actually Geico.
@
To all those people protestingc wellc something at these town hall meeting, maybe you're not liars after all. Maybe you're victims.
@
Santorum? Really? I'm holding out for Gingrich/Palin.
@
U-rain-i-um!!! Only those of you old enough to actually remember Felix will get the joke.
@
Wow. Hang in there, Liam.
@
Pwned by Stephen Hawking.
@
Karl Rove lied? Really? Seriously? Aw, come on. Really?
@
Next time you complain about your cell phone service, please realize you aren't complaining loudly enough.
@
And because I love you and in celebration of Mark Knopfler's birthday, I give you the man performing with Chet Atkins. I'm not really a country fan, but oh yeah, the boy can play. But then again, Chet gave us this, which is just all the awesome.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
@
Shut the fuck up about how Obama is going to kill your grandmother. Your insurance company already did it. If you can't pay the ICU bill for grandma now, the hospital is going to ask you if you want her sent home to die.
@
You know what happens in socialized medicine countries? You live. Ask Stephen Hawking. He's a British Citizen, was born there, raised there, and lives there to this day. He seems to have done all right.
@
Cheap Shots:
@
The man can read.
@
Strategic use of the word "may". Monkeys "may" fly out of their butts too. Yeah, that's the level of discourse we're getting.
@
@
And because I love you, Terri Nunn, with some guitarists you might recognize.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
@
8/7/09 - Cheap Shots (gin and tonic, infused with lime - it's payday) Fridayc
@
Oh, SNAP!
@
@
Glenn Beck is Charles Manson with a TV show.
@
No, this wouldn't happen. But I'd approve if they put you down. That's what happens to rabid dogs, bitch.
@
As the man used to say, let's be careful out there.
@
Oh, come on. Who couldn't see this coming?
@
In honor of the Late John Hughes, a quick look at the Pants Down Republicans.
@
I'm sure Smokey Robinson didn't have this in mind. More like this.
@
You think it isn't all orchestrated by the fuckers who don't want it to happen? Read this.
@
Um, Republicants, did your mommas raise you to be quitters?
@
It's not sucking so bad!
@
About that squadron of dolphins with lasers on their freakin' headsc I'm asking my friends who live in PA to look into this guy.
@
Um, Rush et al, if Obama were Hitler you'd be dead right now. Oh wait, I was supposed to be arguing against that. Anyway, are there any black men in this country besides Michael Steele, Alan Keyes and (maybe) J.C. Watts who doesn't think this is racist? (I am willing to apologize to Mr. Watts - I honestly do not know his views as he hasn't been out there talking aboutc anything lately).
@
And because I love you, King Crimson
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
@
@
I haven't been very good about posting lately, which is kind of dumb, considering that I just paid good money to renew this domain for another year. But to tell you the truth, I just haven't been in the mood. I have other things I'd rather be doing. I'll get myself back on a regular schedule soon, I promise. In the meanwhile, perhaps we need to reassess France's real reason for not getting involved in the Iraq war - because President Drunken Chimp was insane:
@
Now out of office, Chirac recounts that the American leader appealed to their "common faith" (Christianity) and told him: "Gog and Magog are at work in the Middle East.... The biblical prophecies are being fulfilled.... This confrontation is willed by God, who wants to use this conflict to erase his peoplefs enemies before a New Age begins." . . .
After the 2003 call, the puzzled French leader didnft comply with Bushfs request. Instead, his staff asked Thomas Romer, a theologian at the University of Lausanne, to analyze the weird appeal. . . .
In 2007, Dr. Romer recounted Bushfs strange behavior in Lausanne Universityfs review, Allez Savoir. A French-language Swiss newspaper, Le Matin Dimanche, printed a sarcastic account titled: "When President George W. Bush Saw the Prophesies of the Bible Coming to Pass." Francefs La Liberte likewise spoofed it under the headline "A Small Scoop on Bush, Chirac, God, Gog and Magog." But other news media missed the amazing report.
Subsequently, ex-President Chirac confirmed the nutty event in a long interview with French journalist Jean-Claude Maurice, who tells the tale in his new book, Si Vous le Répétez, Je Démentirai (If You Repeat it, I Will Deny), released in March by the publisher Plon.
@
The people of Muslim lands, let alone their leaders, will never trust us until we repudiate this bullshit.
@
Cheap Shots:
@
Tearing Grover a new one. How about we focus on this - a system where sick people get better, the non-sick stay that way, and screw everything else?
@
Goodbye Edmond Dantes.
@
Gosh Darn it, she's good enough to be on SCOTUS.
@
I guess they're 12 years old.
@
And because I love you, Bee Gees. Please don't ask me what got me in the mood for it. I'm not sure I know.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
@
8/3/09 - Round them up and shoot them.
@
Sorry for the week off. My personal life schedule has changed a bit. I'm now going to be updating Mondays, then Weds-Friday probably through the end of the year.
@
Today's column is the absolute last time I am going to address the fucking idiots and liars known as the "Birthers". Those people who believe (or say they believe) that Barack Obama wasn't born in the United States. I've seen dozens of theories now, people in the public media talk about it, fake false birth certificates, and all the while every single one of these morons ignoring the one thing that proves them all to be retarded - that the birth certificate used by Obama is exactly the same as the one issued for every single person from the 50th state.
@
But you know what? I don't fucking even care any more. I've had enough. Why is that? Because I'm tired of people hiding behind political correctness because they haven't the guts to say the one word that they're really thinking. That word is "nigger".
@
They don't use that one word because that's the one that Americans all recognize as someone who has gone over the racist end. It's the word that seperated hate from conspiracy. It's the word that identifies them for what they are - racist crackpots. So they don't use it. They hide behind anything they can to avoid using the word. Well shut the fuck up.
@
G. Gordon Liddy - you're a coward. You're afraid of a single, admittedly terrible, word of slang. This man, besides a crackpot lawyer, is the one person who has pushed this theory the most. This man has a fierce reputation, some if it well-deserved. Well guess what, he doesn't intimidate me. My own father was a tough old bastard and I've become a bit of one myself. So Liddy, you're a fucking coward. You're a racist. And I'd be happy to say it directly to your face. (yeah, you're probably faster than me but you're old now and I'm not. Call up the WWE. Any time, any where, jackass, and I'll be there).
@
Orly Taite - you're a coward. I may have spelled your name incorrectly just now (I have no clue and no interest in googling it) but you quite possibly the stupidest person on the planet. In the movie "Ruthless People" that same reasoning evokes the great line, "should we shoot him?" Don't think you're getting off the hook because you're a woman. You're a racist and you're afraid of that one word. (on a side note, several hours after writing that comment about her name I accidentally ran across the correct spelling - it's Taitz. LOLZ. Orly, your parents hated you - that is the most logical reason I can see for such a scrabble of a name).
@
Lou Dobbs - you're a coward. You gave these racists a platform and then tried to cover it up by calling it journalism. You can't use that one word because it would get your ass fired. Well, maybe you deserve to get your ass fired.
@
Michelle Malkin - you should know better, you're a person of color. I'm guessing that a distemper shot went horribly wrong. I mean, how could a person of color use the word "nigger"? She can't, so she clamps onto anything else she can.
@
All of you, you're cowards. I try as well as anyone to be sensitive to race and the pitfalls of falling into stereotypes, but I don't try to hide it behind something else to cover it. If I'm going to insult you, you'll know it.
@
You're racists. Plain and simple. You are fucking moronic racist motherfuckers. Die and leave the rest of us in peace.
@
Yeah, we liberals are supposed to be the ones who turn the other cheek - we don't do as the right has done and promote situations that get people killed. Screw that. I won't miss a one of you. You aren't doing what you do out of a sense of duty or patriotism or any skewed version of fairness. You're doing it out of hate. You're doing it with a heart full of sin, and by your own rules you should die.
@
So get on with it already. As for me, I'm not wasting any more space on you. Fork's stuck in, yer done.
@
Cheap shots:
@
And then they went there. Makes you just want to smack 'em, doesn't it?
@
So President Bush Jr., where was your G.I. Bill?
@
@
Dude, your team is the Rainbow Warriors. Get a clue.
@
I wonder if Michelle Malkin has ever needed cheese.
@
Found. Rest, dear soldier.
@
@
In space, no one can hear you scream, even earlier.
@
And because I love you, The New Pornographers.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Gin and Tonic Fridayfs Cheap Shots:
Best. Power. Ballad. EVAR!!! As the author of a hit power ballad myself, I couldnft stop laughing. Not safe for work.
NOW it all makes sense!!!!
Okay everyone, claim this man as the father.
Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, good bye you racist piece of shit.
Joe Klien to Lou Dobbs: Ifm your boss, and STFU. Oh, never mind.
Sometimes it takes a cartoon to point out the obvious.
For the record, when I lived in his district I voted for Henry Waxman every time. Hefs a good man.
My wife hates it when gthe wimph as she calls him subs for Keith. Herefs a good example why.
And because I love you, Frozen Ghost. Check out them mullets!
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
7/23/09 – A few healthy Cheap shotsc
It amazes me some of the stupid things that some people have said about health care reform lately. Well, no it doesnft, but letfs have some fun anyway. These are actual quotes:
Rudy gnoun/verb/9-11h Giuliani: gabout half of them could afford it if it was just more affordableh – I could afford a jet plane if it were more affordable dude.
Senator Jim DeMint: gIf we're able to stop Obama on this it will be his Waterlooh – um, Senator, you are aware that someone actually also won that battle, arenft you?
Dick Morris: gObama's plan is going to kill you.h – Once upon a time this man was a trusted confidant of the Clintonfs. Then he had a hooker and got fired, and now hefs channeling a Louisiana psychic.
Glenn Beck: "Kathy, (violently screaming) GET OFF MY PHONE! GET OFF MY PHONE YOU LITTLE PINHEAD!! I DON'T CARE? YOOOOU PEOPLE DON'T CARE ABOUT THE TRILLIONS...(high-pitched squealing) GET OFF MY PHONE!!" – Geez there Glenn, wefre glad you have health care coverage to help you recover from that aneurysm you just suffered.
Retiring Congressman George Voinovich, when asked how much their posturing was about actual reform and how much was about smacking the President: gI think it's about 50/50h – ooh, poor choice of words. Havenft you been hearing the racists calling Obama a 50/50 bar?
Dr. Daniel H. Johnson Jr., Dr. Donald J. Palmisano and Dr. William G. Plested III: Most Americans live within an hour's drive of a world-class medical facility filled with expertly trained individuals and state-of-the-art technology delivering medical miracles every day. – thatfs right, most Americans live within an hourfs drive of being able to look at a building where actual health care is done.
Randal Terry, on his prediction over the passage of the bill: when Terry predicted the consequences of passing the bill, he seemed to exalt in warning of "random acts of violence" and violent "reprisals against those deemed guilty" – Mr. Terry, youfre guilty as sin. Does that mean I get to shoot you now?
Rep. Roy Blunt: gOur bill is never going to get to the floor, so why confuse the focus?h – So it appears that the Republican Health Care Reform Bill is currently in hiding at the undisclosed location that our last Vice President was so fond of. Maybe it has a good mini-bar.
Congresswoman Marsha Blackburn: gLetfs agree that we're going to have PAYGO (Pay as you go) enforcement. That we're not going to cry 'emergency' every time we have a Katrina, every time we have a Tsunami, every time we have a need for extra spending, that we don't go call for a special appropriation that allows us to circumvent the PAYGO rules.h - Fuck you people, I live in Tennessee, and we donft get Tsunamis and Hurricanes! We gave the world Davy Crockett, so we donft need no stinkinf help! Oh, waitc
The Wall Street Journal is complaining that the Obama plan will kill old people. How old are the guys at the WSJ?
You can be bankrupted even if your parents get sick!
And finally therefs this one, which Ifm linking to so that you can see the picture distributed by Dr. David McKalip. I am so sick and tired of these motherfucking racists. Itfs not about the birth certificate. Itfs not about health care reform. Itfs not about socialism. Itfs not about liberalism (Ifm a liberal, and Obama isnft). Itfs about the fact that you people are racists and are trying desperately to find new ways to not use the word gniggerh in the discourse because that will get you shunned. There isnft a single person of color who doesnft see this – not even the Michael Steelefs and Clarence Thomasf of the world. I donft want your racism to get in the way of health care reform, so shut the fuck up!
Oh, and one last thing – itfs been pointed out that then Social Security first passed it only covered about 50% of the population. It does a lot better than that now. Whatever comes out will probably need refinement, but we need a baseline to start from. So get off your asses and get it done!
More traditional Cheap Shots:
Apparently itfs controversial to call someone stupid for arresting a man in his own home when he hadnft broken any laws. Obamafs stock went up in my book over this one.
How many vacations does a guy need? On the flip side, the wife got a two-week trip to Europe out of the deal.
What is the world coming to that a former Iron Man needs to defend himself with a knife?
Taking a page from the right-wing playbook, somebody should shoot this fuck.
I gotcher birther certificate right here asshole.
And because I love you, Prince covering Crimson and Clover (with some other stuff thrown in too). The man has a history of pulling his videos off of YouTube, so check it out while you can.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
7/22/09 – There is no reason for them to existc
This one might go a little long. Ifm going to talk about myself a lot but therefs no other way to do this.
By the time youfre my age (44) you tend to have had a few medical issues come up. Colds and Flu are one thing, but so far in my life Ifve been in an auto accident that separated my right shoulder blade, busted up my knee skiing, had chicken pox, been mugged and got a broken nose, had dental surgery, an allergic reaction to a medication that nearly killed me, tubes poked in both ends, had mono, a sunburn that landed me in the hospital, a 3rd degree burn on my left hand, and two other incidents that truly stand out that Ifm going to tell you about in detail.
You see, Ifve had health insurance my entire adult life. And while Ifve had everything treated and everything covered as you would expect there are some medical issues Ifve had that are a prime example of whatfs wrong with the system. Health insurance companies donft have to exist. Ifm going to have to get long-winded to explain why, but trust me, I can.
I get sick to death every time I hear some simpleton politician talk about how bad it is in Canada or England. Sure, they have issues, but please stop pretending the things youfre complaining about donft happen here every day on a grand scale. Allow me to tell you the story of someone fairly ordinary. Me. Ifm going to use three separate examples.
One:
When my shoulder got hurt I needed physical therapy. My insurance covered 4 appointments. I needed more – after 4 appointments I could barely lift my arm to 90 degrees. I paid for the rest of my therapy out of my own pocket.
Okay, that onefs simple. The insurance company would only cover the bare minimum for a person to regain their mobility. Alas, 20 years later my shoulder had issues again, requiring a shot of Cortisone and more physical therapy. I ran into the exact same issue – my insurance (a different carrier than the one before) only covered 4 appointments and they werenft enough. I paid for the rest out of pocket.
Progress, yes?
Two:
I am a cancer survivor. Survivor is really the only way to describe it. From start to finish, the whole thing from when the lump was discovered in my throat to the time it was removed was 4 months, and it was grueling. But I need to back up a step to explain why it was only 4 months instead of the 10 the insurance company wanted.
I had a good doctor near my office in downtown San Francisco. She was in a good location for me and was good at what she did. But 5 years ago she decided she had had enough of the insurance industry and opted out entirely – she formed a co-op with her own insurance plan, an idea I really liked. Thing is, she was only my doctor, not my wifefs and not my kidsf. It wouldnft have worked for them so I went on the search for a new doctor.
I found one out near my home. Actually, two – and they run their clinic in a way I had never seen before. They treat the patient, make the referrals, and then figure out the paperwork afterwards. They seem to take some glee in tweaking the system as much as they can while still following the rules. I feel lucky to have found them and plan to keep them as my primary physicians for as long as I can.
It was at an appointment at their offices two years ago that one of them discovered the lump in my throat the size of a walnut. She knew what it was – I had a growth in my thyroid. There is only one treatment for it; remove the thyroid. Sure, there are doctors and insurance plans that tell you that you should do radiation, chemotherapy, only remove the tumor, try to control it with medication but you can see the results of that in Roger Ebert – we had the same thing. My doctor knew what had to be done, so she started the process to make certain that my insurance could be convinced of this.
First came the specialist, and that came quickly – within a week. She ran blood tests to confirm that my thyroid levels were out of whack, and that took another week. Confirmation came quick and it explained why I had suddenly gained weight, was losing my temper easily, and my heart was going a bit too fast (there is no history of heart disease in my family at all – got lucky there). She put me on meds for slow down my pulse and then ordered the next step, a biopsy.
Again, here is a circumstance of a step the insurance required as necessary to show that I needed the surgery. The specialist already knew what the outcome would be, but this had to be done. Two weeks later, they stuck a needle in my neck and snipped out a few cells of the lump in my thyroid – an incredibly painful procedure. There is no anesthesia for this, and they did it three times.
Finally, everyone was on board – time for surgery. We can get you scheduled in 8 months as thatfs the earliest opening we have with the surgeons wefve approved for you. My specialist shook her head on hearing the news and started placing phone calls. I donft know if she was owed a favor or now owes one, but she got my surgery moved up more than 5 months. It was still quite the wait, with my endocrine system throwing my body out of control the whole while and possibly causing problems I still donft yet know about. I had the surgery and am now left with a small scar (which all other patients Ifve ever seen who have had this done have scars much larger than mine – again, I was lucky) a gland short and little pills that Ifm going to be taking for the rest of my life.
You see the issue, of course. From the very first moment my doctor knew what had to be done, and it all could have been resolved quickly, within a month or so, but my insurance had to be convinced and it took all of these hoops jumped through to make it happen. You cannot tell me that a government program would possibly be any worse than this. I got treated, but that was due to the perseverance of my doctors, colleagues calling colleagues and doing everything they could to speed up the process, not because I actually had insurance.
This story is fairly ordinary in our country, and I eventually came out on top. I am cancer free and thyroid free, and I get my medication without any real trouble. Itfs an example of everything that is right and wrong with healthcare all in a nutshell – that getting it good requires some luck and the right doctors, and convincing the insurance company that the doctor is doing everything right.
But I told you that story so that I could tell you this one. Three:
People tend to goggle when I tell them the history of my cough. Many people donft believe it and I do understand that. In this day and age, in this country, how can something so simple go misdiagnosed for so long?
Ask anyone who has known me more than a couple of years and they can tell you about my cough. Itfs loud and obnoxious. I got kicked out of a library over it once. And a movie theater. A conductor at a symphony performance tried to stare me down over it once. A comedian I went to see once worked it into his act. It comes when the weather changes, and whenever the hell else it feels like. Ifve never really been able to predict it – all I know is that I cough without actually having a cold or the flu.
Let that sink in a moment. Ifve been coughing most of my life. When people ask me how I stand it I reply that itfs just a part of my life. Ifve had it for so long that I often donft even notice it. It drives my wife crazy though, and two years ago she asked me to try again to have it diagnosed.
So I went to see the doctor and told her about the cough, coughed a bit, and then she asked the magic question; how long have you had this cough?
34 years, I replied. She just stared at me for a moment, as if I were speaking Flemish. She asked me to repeat it, and I did. She sat down and asked me what I had already tried. I told her that it first appeared when I was 8 and was diagnosed as fluid in the lungs – I can remember seeing an X-ray. I spent 4 years coughing before the doctor said that my lungs had cleared up. The cough continued but by that point we had all grown accustomed to it.
Ifve been told I have asthma. I was once diagnosed as having pneumonia. I was diagnosed twice as faking it. Both of those times I eventually came down with bronchitis and the doctors recanted their original theories. Ifve been told it was allergies. Ifve been told itfs environmental (I did live in a heavy smog area for quite a while). Ifve tried steam treatments. Ifve tried inhalers. Ifve had enough chest X-rays that I refuse them now over fear of overexposure. Ifve tried steroids. Ifve tried pills. In every case it works for a few weeks and then wears off – and I cough again.
My doctor then said, gMaybe wefve all been looking in the wrong place. Maybe itfs not your lungs.h She then proceeded to find the lump in my thyroid, which was unrelated to the cough, and then she theorizes that maybe itfs my stomach thatfs doing the damage. Maybe I have a strange form of Acid-reflux.
I had never thought of that. I used to get heartburn a lot and I took antacids to control that. No one, not even me, had made the connection that when I took antacids I didnft cough. Not in 34 years. Not until a doctor with some imagination and a knack for doing her diagnostics without thinking about the paperwork implications first saw me.
I take OTC acid-reflux medication once a day now – it was a prescription until the OTC got cheaper – and my cough is under control. It turns out it was something simple. Unusual, but simple.
So whatfs my point? The insurance industry stifles the imagination of otherwise good doctors. The doctor I first saw for my cough as a kid got me through chicken pox and mono. The doctor I saw who gave me steroids also helped me get my shoulder working again. The doctor who told me I had asthma also gave me Codine whenever I caught a cold, which is the only medicine that ever works for me. All good doctors, but they are all hamstrung by the fact that the insurance providers they work with all say the same thing, gif the patient has a cough check these things first – else we wonft pay for the tings you want to try next.h
Having to be responsible for paperwork above all else, having to check with the rules of an insurance company first, these things lead to rushed diagnoses, mistakes, and in my case, an acceptance of a medical condition that I didnft need to live with after all.
And quite frankly, Ifm fairly ordinary. I canft possibly imagine that my case is all that unique. Sure, 34 years is quite a stretch, but imagine a much shorter period with a person whose condition is life-threatening. My 34 years is nothing in comparison. My 34 years werenft a misery – I got married and had two kids during those years. I traveled the world during those years. I have a pretty good life. I know lots of people who have had it far worse than me.
The problem with the insurance industry is that it exists at all. Itfs an industry. It exists in order to make money, and that drives every decision. When GOP Chairman Michael Steele said the other day that the Obama plan would get in the way of the relationship between the patient and their insurance company (and I assume he mis-spoke, he has a history of it) he summed up everything that is wrong with the picture in a single sentence – that the insurance industry drives health care.
Itfs wrong. It should be doctors and their patients driving health care. Everyone should have access to a doctor like mine – one who makes the diagnoses and figures out the paperwork afterwards. But that kind of doctor is very rare, because we have spent decades entrenching an industry into the relationship between our doctors and ourselves. The insurance industry is the weak link, not the strength, and thatfs the fight that needs to be fought.
Yes, the Obama plan would probably have a serious impact on the insurance industry. Maybe thatfs why they call it greformh instead of grepairh. But for my two cents the industry should be eliminated altogether. Virtually every story about someone waiting months for proper care, a proper diagnosis, a proper payment of a covered procedure, has to do with the insurance industry making things difficult. Itfs what they are and they canft help it.
Itfs why they have to go.
Real reform should have nothing at all to do with insurance. It should eliminate insurance from the equation entirely. Health care should be affordable to everyone, and the reason it isnft is because of the insurance industry. But we donft have the guts or the political wherewithal to actually eliminate an industry, so this is where government has to step in.
Ifm not saying itfs going to be easy. Ifm not saying that there wonft be bumps in the road. Ifm not saying that will solve everything. But this is what government is for. And speaking for me personally, Ifd rather pay the higher taxes than get a $500 tax cut and watch my insurance bill climb $3500 – which is what Ifve seen during the past 8 years. Of course my premiums went up – Ifve been sick and now have conditions that will require drugs to control for the next 50 years and some.
Ifd rather the government keep the $500 and fix the system already. Ifd actually have more money in my pocket if they did.
Yes, if given the chance Ifd probably dump my insurance company for the public option. Ifd dump anything that gets in the way of the relationship I have with my doctor. Yes, the insurance industry will take a hit, and thatfs how it should be. They had their chance, and they failed. We can no longer afford to reward their failure. Itfs time for them to go.
And for those millions and millions who canft even get the level of care I got because they have no insurance at all, it seems to be that the bare minimum we can do is at least get their experiences up to the level of mine. Itfs not great, it can be better, but come on now, can you honestly say that what happened to me is worse that what could happen to you? The millions and millions of you? One bad flu epidemic like the one wefre expecting this fall and a lot of people will be wishing for my 34-year cough.
Roughly 1 person in 5 has it worse that I do just from the simple fact that they have no insurance at all. Why is it that we canft have a system where these people have it at least as good as Ifve had it, and Ifve complained for over 2,600 words now? Why is it that so many people in Washington D.C. donft understand that the level of difficulty they say will come is a step up for so many people?
Itfs because theyfre tied to the idea that the health insurance industry has to exist. It doesnft. My own life experiences have shown me that everything that these politicians say will go wrong has already gone wrong – just within an industry instead of government. And I canft vote out my insurance company.
If the government screws up wefll vote them out and try again – yet another advantage to it being government that runs things. I assure you that nothing will get a different political party in power than dissatisfaction with how things are being done. We donft have that option with our insurance companies.
To put it simply, there is no reason for the health insurance industry to exist. It can be done as well if not better without them at all, and this scares the crap out of them. It is obsolescence clinging onto power, and if there wasnft so much power already grabbed it would be sad to watch.
It may not happen this time around, not even if and when this reform package passes, but it is time to say goodbye to the health insurance industry. Otherwise it isnft reform.
Cheap Shots:
This is a real poll, with real results, not a fake. I can just hear Jon Stewart now, gAnd thatfs the way it says efuck youf.h
The GOP canft hold a tune.
Really? Elections have consequences? Really? Really? You believe that? Really? Really?
Ifll bet you that the GOP stops complaining abut how broken Social Security is after they read this.
The worldfs greatest monster isc Jimmy Carter? What the fuck is wrong with you?
If you havenft seen Secretary Steven Chufs performance on the daily Show, you really should.
Again, love to my favorite Wil Wheaton look-alike lesbian.
Science is cool, and so are the Google Goggles.
And because I love you, A-Ha. New music. The reason Coldplay is so big is because they copy these guys.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
@
++++++++++++++++++++
Even though we knew it had to come, the death of Walter Cronkite has had an effect on those of us old enough to remember when he was the only voice that the news really had. Sure, there were others out there, but Cronkite was the authority when it came to news. You never doubted his word. You knew he was a straight shooter. His opinion almost never entered into it – he just told you the facts, and he gave you as many of them as he could.
He would dig for the meat of a story. He wouldnft take anyonefs word for it. Hefd tell you what someone said, but also what his opponent said, and let you decide for yourself. Even his opinions on Vietnam were based on the reality of the situation. He didnft spin. Not once. He was the best we had, and the people who competed with him and followed him knew it. He was a media figure as big and as powerful as they ever come.
Okay, so Ifve said all of that. So where are the freakinf helicopters following the hearse that took his body to the morgue? Where are the paparazzi chasing after family? Why the double-standard? He was just as big a media personality as Michael Jackson – even bigger in his heyday. There are people who watched his every move on television for two decades. So where is the circus? The closest we got was the fact that Dan Rather, Cronkitefs replacement at CBS went on MSNBC instead of his ghomeh network to talk about the man, and he did so at length.
My wife said, gIt because of respect.h Yeah, maybe, but whose respect? MJ had the respect of millions, that much is obvious. So whose standard of respect are we talking about? Ours? The mediafs? Is it because MJ was a circus to himself?
One thing I do know – Walter Cronkite would have spent the same amount of time on each story – MJfs death and his own. And the sad part is that wefve evolved so far away from that in our news media expectations. I miss that, and have since 1981.
Cheap Shots:
Later this week, I will go for the kill myself and tell you all a health care industry story that will astonish you.
Seriously, is this really the absolute best you can do? Are you in that big of a need to get laid?
Umc. Apparently so if you followed that up with this.
I saw this last night and thought to myself, Rachel Rocks!
Ah, to be in Louisiana when politics breaks out.
If you get p0wn3d by Tom Arnold, you just might be an idiot.
And because I love you, R.E.M. of course. Okay, that truly was a cheap shot. How about some Take That instead?
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
@
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
@
7/17/09 – Calling it as I see it.
After last nightfs revelation that there was yet another congressman who had an affair while living at the now infamous C Street complex in Washington D.C., a man who turned down Trent Lottfs Senate seat to be with his mistress, after three such revelations in a monthfs time I have to call out the pattern I see. C Street is a cult.
You heard me – a cult. Like the Manson Family.
These people arenft Christians at all – not by any definition Ifve ever heard of. They call themselves gThe Familyh. They believe in collecting power over all else. They believe in something called the g7 Mountainh or g7M Mandateh theory, that believes that they can conquer the world for Christ by controlling 7 centers of power - religion, government, media, education, arts and entertainment, family, and business. And theyfre evangelical about it.
Why do I call them a cult? Well, I do notice something key missing from their teachings. Ifll skip for a moment the whole idea that their own savior thought power was a villain and he railed against it over and over. How about the whole idea that their salvation is supposed to be through the wisdom, teachings and love of their savior? Where did love go? Christ didnft teach any of these things. Yeah, Ifm an atheist but I can read a bible (and I have) without my hands catching fire. Where is forgiveness?
What is this shit that thoroughly distorts the meaning of Samurai Swords?
This view of Christianity as a means of power came to their leader, Loren Cunningham, in a vision in August of 1975. Yeah, what part of the bible got written in the disco era?
Who follows their tenants? Senators John Ensign and Tom Coburn. South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford. Former Congressman Chip Pickering. ABC News Anchor Jake Tapper. Sarah Palin (with no current title). Future Presidential candidate Senator Lindsey Graham. Their churches include Campus Crusade for Christ (which targets military officers for conversion), Youth with a Mission, the University of Nations – a 45 acre campus in Hawaii, the New Apostolic Reformation, and the International Coalition of Apostles.
Most alarmingly, they run the annual National Prayer Breakfast – a heavily attended yearly event in the nationfs capital. Congressmen, Senators, Cabinet Officials and at least one former (and recent) President have attended – from both parties.
I could go on and on, but you can see the picture Ifm painting. In 34 years they have been doing everything they can do rally their evangelical base and grab power, and then hold on to it. Thatfs why none of these men who have had affairs, who tried to derail a President for getting a blow job, arenft quitting their jobs despite being lying hypocrites. Theyfve grabbed some power and damn you all to hell if you think theyfre going to let go.
Like I said, cult.
Cheap shots for Gin and Tonic Friday (oh, and have you tried Tanqureyfs Lime infused gin? Fantastic stuff):
Oh my. The Fantastic Mr. Fox. Seriously! The Fantastic Mr. Fox.
After all the build-up, you expected Frank Ricci to be just like the people talking about him. Instead, he showed some real class.
Todd Tiahrt of Kansas however, has none at all.
Speaking of Rachael, I know she and Pat Buchanan get along and have had some great debates, but I was glad to see her stomp his racist ass.
The problem with Texas Representative Kevin Bradyfs flowchart that he doesnft yet realize is that itfs considerably simpler than what most of us deal with now.
Oh mah lahrd, Tigerfs human after all!
Rutger Hauerfs great speech in Blade Runner, done in Lego.
We canft even seem to treat the dead ones right. Of course, it took us decades to get it right for the last major war.
Iran is still happening, people.
Allow me to start the political incorrectness: Bring it on, bitch!
So was it an homage or a rip-off?
Um, no.
Senator DeMint brings tha pain!
When you apologize for breaking the rules and harming the taxpayers, this is how itfs done.
With deathfs dark heart, I make fun of thee.
This is why I use the Sony platform and not Kindle.
This is what you might get if you ask Alton Brown for a favor.
You expect many people to gdo a Hillaryh. But The Pope?
Yes, someone is keeping score. The Uighers are.
Apparently, she canft even read.
Um, gang, for the umpteenth time, Jack Bauer is Fictional!!!!! Carve it into your freakinf foreheads! He isnft real! He doesnft exist! He is pretend! The cake is a lie!
Nope, donft want it. Actually, give me more, but donft call it that.
And because I love you, Larry Rabin, channeling Danny Kaye.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
@
++++++++++++++++++++++
7/16/09 – I canft do any betterc
Sorry Ifm late, but I canft do any better than this today. Our newest Senator rocks thec erc umc Senate.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
++++++++++++++++++++
7/15/09 – Choose your poker partners carefullyc
I like our current President. I truly do. But I do not want to play poker with him. Hefs fearless and willing to take battles to anyone. Allow me to give you an example.
Senator John Kyl, the other Republicant Senator from Arizona, has over the past few days been calling on the Obama Administration to cancel the stimulus package, because it hasnft created dancing ponies yet or some such nonsense. Given the fact that it takes months and months for this sort of thing to work (if not years) the whole fix it now mentality of these people is hilarious. They got so used to the idea that everything has to happen fast that they no longer have any patience. I wonder how they would handle having an ordinary 401(k)?
Anyway, the administration called the Governor of Arizona (another Republican) and who is actually in charge of the stimulus for her state if she wanted Arizona to cancel the stimulus program in Arizona, just like her Senator wants. The response from Governor Brewer? Hell no! John McCain, the more famous Senator from Arizona, complained loudly and wildly that Obama was attacking Arizona.
No. Obama called the hand laid out before him after Kyl raised the stakes. He knew Kyl was full of shit and called him on it. It wasnft nice, but it was certainly entertaining and exactly what he should have done. The two Senators now look like jackasses, Obama looks even smarter, and poor Governor Brewer just got caught in the middle of the shit storm she wanted no part of for the simple reason of being Arizonafs Governor.
Thatfs how poker is played at this level, and Obama has it down pretty good.
Cheap Shots:
If Dick Cheneyfs daughter is really as knowledgeable about the things her father did or had secreted away as she claims, hasnft there been a security breach?
Again, calling the bluff.
If you see Pat Buchanan in the vicinity of a puppy or a kitten, put the video camera down and rescue the puppy/kitten!!!
Wefre going to need a different trail for this.
Ifm less interested in the new start signed to the film and more interested in the director.
Tell you what – if the draft comes back how about we just say gI donft want to kill people?h instead of being this jackass.
With California, itfs ideology, stupidity, gamesmanship, power-grabbing, and even more stupidity. With Illinois itfs exhibition baseball.
Speaking of which, my favorite Fark headline of the week: Moody's downgrades California's bond ratings to "Rob Schneider movie"
Given that your guy threw a ball that didnft make it to the plate even after several bounces Ifm pretty sure you donft want to go there.
Welcome to our newest member of Congress, and the first Chinese-American to work there.
Um, going after the um, er, tar-baby vote?
Oh come on, wefve all done it – coughed into our hands while saying words MSNBC doesnft approve of. Or we saw Animal House.
And because I love you Asia – at least one version of it (yes, thatfs Greg Lake on lead vocals). ^_^
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
@
+++++++++++++++++++++++
7/10/09 – Required reading/viewing
http://videocafe.crooksandliars.com/node/29528
Cheap Shots for Gin & Tonic Friday (and Ifm getting into the private reserve this weekend so Ifll keep it short):
The Presidential Booty-glance revisited.
And because I love you, Tool – a song Ifve given you before – because you need some awesome in your weekend.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
@
It has now come out that the soon to be former Governor of Alaska (donft you love how the English language can mangle tenses?) was trying to save her state the burden of defending her against all of the investigations into her ethics. That was probably the most sane of her defenses, and one that even her detractors could buy. Itfs not a common approach in this country, but a politician resigning to deal with this sort of thing isnft all that unusual.
Except it isnft true. Therefs more at TPM, but of the 18 complaints filed against her as Governor only 3 remain under investigation. And theyfre being investigated only by a board that the Governor has the power to line-up and appoint as she pleases. So oops, itfs not about that. All thatfs left now is irresponsible guessing and speculation. Well, I can be as irresponsible and reprehensible as at least David Letterman, so Ifm going to throw out a theory of my own. As the conservative knuckleheads like to say, itfs a theory, not proven by any stretch. I have no actual facts to base this upon, but instead am following the social patterns of many a disgraced Republican politician and what makes them tick.
Somebody is/was pregnant. And that somebody is having/has had an abortion.
There is nothing else on a scale with any other problem that could be going on that could make her suddenly stop cold turkey in the middle of a growing political career, short of her being an incompetent fool with the brain of a marijuana-fogged 19 year-old. I mean, this is a woman that one prominent conservative referred to as a person with no job skills whatsoever. Shefs never done anything other than be a politician and a mother – both tough jobs but only one shefs shown any aptitude for staying with, and that one because itfs a lifetime appointment with little recognition or pay.
So what could make a rising star suddenly drop out, if not because she just doesnft find it fun anymore? Did the daughter that made her a grandmother get knocked up again? Is she knocked up herself? Man, doesnft abstinence only really do its thing? It seems to work perfectly, if youfre trying to get pregnant.
Maybe Ifm wrong. Ifd certainly like to be, but I need it proven to me. Prove to me that this isnft about being a hypocrite on the only stand youfve ever been consistent on in your political career, because thatfs the one thing that can kill you. Prove it to me, and Ifll apologize – something I rarely do.
So who got knocked up?
Cheap Shots:
It only took one day. One day.
Lies and the liars who tell them.
Ah, Victoriac I canft believe I actually hit on you at a party once. I feel so unclean now.
gGod created bugs to intimidate the arrogant.h
A turd-blossom by any other name.
As a man married to a direct descendant of those who got here first, youfre a fucking idiot.
Will they let Barak wade up to his waist as hefs only half black? (with apologies to the late great Groucho Marx)
Is C-Street really a code name for a brothel?
Donft you just hate it when you do something and it has the opposite effect you intended?
I bet it would suck to win the lottery in California right now.
A friend of mine once wrote a song called gWearing Ribbons Ainft Enough.h Same applies here.
And because I love you, Oasis. Yeah, itfs derivative. So what?
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Therefs an awful lot of gused to beh out there these days. Al Franken used to be a stand-up comedian and actor. MJNN used to be CNN. The position of governor of Alaska will soon used to be inhabited by an incoherent Cinemax Librarian. The governor of California used to be an action hero. The governor of South Carolina used to be a respected family man. The senior senator from Pennsylvania used to be a Republican. The governor of Louisiana used to be a contender for 2012.
It used to be that I had to work to make fun of these people. Just saying.
Oh, and one more thing – Now that we say gSenatorh instead of gAlh at the beginning of the letter - can everybody please drop the whole bullshit line about needing 60 votes to get anything done? Thatfs a lie. It takes 51 votes. It takes 60 to break a filibuster. What 60 votes gives you is the ability to call the vote under any circumstances, and to stop unlimited debate. The actual legislation does NOT need 60 freakinf votes!
Used to be we had a great educational system.
Cheap Shots:
Have you been paying attention to China lately? Herefs why we sent those men to Palau.
Department of law? Lady, they werenft being mean to you because youfre a woman. They were being mean to you because youfre a fucking moron.
Wasnft there a Simon and Garefunkel song?
Uh, Rahm, the trigger got pulled in the mid-1970fs. At about the moment that Nixon thought that the Kaiser plan was the greatest thing on earth.
The current state of conservatism explained in Venn Diagrams.
To the students of Texas Tech University, the correct answer to every question on the final is gI do not recall remembering.h
Top rated, although an asshole named Randall Terry has another view.
And because I love you a special treat for my fellow musicians. I hate country music with a passion you cannot even imagine, but the video that this band has made needs to be heard by all of us. Therefore I give you The Sons of Maxwell.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
@
++++++++++++++++++++++
My wife, me and my kids went out for lunch and came back to seeing breaking news interrupt the Michael Jackson newsfeed. But I have to admit this one is a whopper. So, let me see if I've got this right. The Governor of South Carolina has an affair, leaves the state and fools around on while on the clock, leaves the state in the lurch, and the governor of Alaska resigns?
@
She's going to run for President. She's going to come in 4th in a field of 3. That's my bet. Although the wisdom out there is that she's leaving politics for good. I don't buy that. I mean, what's she leaving it for? It's either this or there's something in her closet that is so amazingly awful that it would knock Governor Sanford out of the news cycle - again.
@
Is there anyone out there on the Republican side who isn't bat-shit crazy? Even McCain, as much as I despised his methods and ideas, wasn't a lunatic.
@
For making me work when I was going to take the day off, and because I love you, Ozzy Osbourne.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
++++++++++++++++++++++
7/2/09 – Calling Bruce Campbell!
All cheap shots today in celebration of the long weekend, so getcher Gin and Tonics ready:
Please tell me Bruce Campbell will star in this. Please!
Dude, health care is already rationed. The money shot from the article I just linked: gfor less than the cost of that futile, 90-minute effort in the ER, the woman could have had all the blood pressure medication she needed for the rest of her life.h
And now itfs Obamafs war.
Stephanopoublogging on the road with the VP.
Try 16.5%, not just under 10.
Love according to the pleasure nazis?
And why do so many of these gChristiansh talk about going to war for their values instead of instilling peace for them?
You know what gets me even more than the idea that lobbyists were going to be allowed to pay to have access to reporters, but that it was only cancelled because they got caught. I mean, how bad do you have to be to be reported for a potential ethics violation by a health care lobbyist? And then there is the fact that they donft think that the input of the public means anything.
If I lived in Vermont Ifd vote for this man.
On the flip side, if I lived in Nevada Ifd run against this man.
I know itfs satire, but this is just what Minnesota needs, EVEN MORE CRAZY!!!!
Ifve been watching a lot of season 1 of SNL, and I have to say, Franken was brilliant.
Bolton, did you lose brain cells in the making of that marvelous mustache?
Ya know, instead of worrying is Obama is a sekrit Muslim, perhaps we should be worried about this group.
Wasnft there a Peaches & Herb song about this?
There is a reason that the term is gUgly Americanh.
And because I love you and to celebrate the countryfs birthday, Chicago.
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
7/1/09 – 120 seconds of terrorc
Therefs a famous piece of music – youfve all heard it and yet I would bet that most of you donft know what itfs called or who wrote it. Well, Ifm going to put that to rest now. The music was written by film composer James Horner, and he wrote it for the first Alien movie. It doesnft show up in the movie at all, because director Ridley Scott didnft want music in those tense moments where Sigourney Weaverfs Ripley is preparing to blow up the ship, so it got used in the movie trailer instead.
And itfs shown up in just about every single action movie trailer since. When trailers are made for movies more often than not the final edit isnft done, so they know they will need about 60 to 120 seconds of music and Horner recorded versions for every movie trailer length. Music is often one of the last things done on a film, but the movie studios want the trailers out there to generate interest, so they fall back on James Hornerfs brilliant 2 minutes of pulse-pounding action music. If youfve ever wondered why the music in some movie trailers sounds familiar, this is why – itfs that one piece of music that didnft get used in Alien.
Lots of people have soundtracks running through their heads as they go about their days. Itfs not so strange, just look at the number of people with iPods on their heads. For me today I have some Van Morrison running, and I expect that to later involve into the stellar work of Maaya Sakamoto. But I wonder now if the music in the head of Glenn Beck is that famous piece of music by James Horner.
Ifm sure youfve seen by now the news that a guest on his show openly called for Osama bin Laden to commit an act of terrorism on this nation so that the people would demand that the government gprotect them effectively, consistently, and with as much violence as necessary," to which Beck solemnly nodded his head in agreement (as if he could do it any other way). While most of the outrage has focused on the idea that there are people of supposed intelligence wishing for a terrorist attack I would like to focus on the last part of that sentence.
Protect ourselves with as much violence as necessary? Um, what? Boy have the positions of the right evolved as wefve moved out of the cold war and into terror watch. It used to be that we wanted as much weaponry as humanly possible to deter the outbreak of violence. It sort of worked too, although the reality is much more complicated than that. But now the thinking is to use that weaponry. Where did that bloodlust come from?
Yeah, we got the crap kicked out of us in early fall 2001. It hurt unbelievably, and the reaction to lash out is a natural one. But things have settled somewhat, and wefve exacted a misguided form of revenge for it (therefs nothing about justice in the invasion of Iraq). But apparently some want that hurt feeling to return, so that we can lash out again and get our worthy proportion of blood, because it isnft going to happen without it. And thatfs the key point for me.
These people want their action flick. They want to lash out – cause pain, suffering, and commit acts of violence against these people they do not trust. The bloodlust is already there. But we canft justify it if wefre on the road to peace. Obama isnft going to attack anyone new, so we must be attacked ourselves so that we can commit the acts of violence that we want. Itfs not about fighting terrorism or any form of justice but instead about the desire to kick some ass and kill some people. To cause pain.
So Ifm back to my original observation – that I think that the soundtrack in the heads of Glenn Beck and others is James Hornerfs 2-minute trailer. Can someone please turn the man onto a decent chick-flick? The man has already shown us he can cry. Maybe have John Cusak (okay, maybe a stand-in) hold that boom-box and play some Peter Gabriel? Wefve got to do something before the man actually hurts someone.
Cheap Shots:
Too young to die, even at 97. RIP, Karl Malden. The Streets of San Francisco just got a bit less sane.
Sometimes you wish God would say to these people who talk to him, gShut up!h Well, finally, it happened.
Hiding your money in Switzerland may not work so well anymore.
I worry lately that Limburgher has gone off his medication.
Is a New York State of Mind one of Confusion?
Still waiting for ORLY to weigh in. Or did his head explode?
I donft know about gJust go be with her,h but talk about your classic mid-life crisis.
And because I love you, Van Morrison.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Faux News may finally be going down. Well, probably not, but a guy can dream, canft he?
Itfs not because of the political bullshit theyfve done over the years, or the lies and innuendo they make up and repeat, itfs because of Billy Mays. It turns out that the cause of tragic death of the worldfs favorite loud-mouthed pitchman was first reported as due to head trauma by Faux News, when they had no actual facts to back that up with. Even worse is that other major news outlets followed up with Fauxfs original reporting, assuming that they had actual confirmable knowledge – that they had done some actual investigative work. Instead, it was a few people in a newsroom saying ghe hit his head on that airplane earlier in the day – letfs run with thath. The other major news outlets were embarrassed by this, and theyfre letting Faux hang out to dry for it.
Thatfs right, they made it up – something they do all the time, but now apparently itfs personal because Ifm seeing a lot of chatter in the blog-o-sphere-o-rama about people who watch Faux on the weekends (because MSNBC does nothing but prison shows and CNN hasnft been the same since Ted lost control of it) are going to switch back to CNN – all because Faux screwed up on the reporting about Billy Mays.
Whodathunk it?
Cheap Shots:
Franken wins! For the 4th time in a single election. No we await that squelching sound which would represent ORLYfs head exploding. Itfs like the anticipation of 4th of July fireworks, isnft it?
Justice David Souterfs last day of work was today, and I have to say that all in all he was a pleasant surprise – one of the best moves of Bush the Elderfs presidency.
I was thinking the same thing yesterday, that maybe Lindsey Graham is the one to watch.
This is nothing we can be proud of. Itfs time to let the boy go.
Man, the ego on this guy. What I notice isnft as much the highlighted sections as the fact that despite everything he asks his constituents to think of him first, before his wife and children. Schmuck. I mean, I keep wanting to drop it and then he keeps making it impossible for a snarker like me to do so. Please dude. Didnft you see the scene in the wondrous Biography of Peter Sellers made for HBO when Sellers announces to his wife and children that he loved their mother, but he loved Sofia Loren more (which was a shock to Ms. Loren)? You remind me so much of how pathetic he seemed then.
And just where has Bubbles been during all of this? Same place hefs been for the past 4 years, in Florida.
This is truly well done. Ifm going to start referring to them as pro-consequences from now on.
Quite frankly, if you have to resort to gyoufre such a dickh to close your argument, no matter which side youfre on, youfve lost the argument.
Wow. Just freakinf wow.
As the great BillinPortlandMaine says, only 4 days until gTeabager II: Teabag Harder.h
The Marine Corps got their moneyfs worth with this one. Even I will salute as I pass by.
And I will salute this Colonel as well.
I wonder if the banking industry is as confused as I am by this decision that spanks them and was made by a strange collection of Supreme Oddfellows.
Dancing in the streets. Which version do you prefer? I like Van Halenfs myself, although the one Mick Jagger and David Bowie did has its moments.
Calling the current Governor of Florida gThe Republican Barney Frankh insinuates that the editors of the Wall Street journal know more than theyfve yet revealed. But the article itself is a piece of trash that lets you know just how far the famed WSJ has fallen since Rupurt Murdoch bought it.
gHey, Ifm Jeffreyh.
And because I love you, etil Tuesday – which a friend reminded me today how much I like.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
6/26/09 – I can still remember it
as if it were yesterday. My brother and I were watching some music video show – probably gSolid Goldh as MTv didnft yet exist. My friend Dave was visiting. My mom was making dinner. It was early evening but the sun hadnft gone fully down. We didnft have all the lights on, so it was a bit dark in the room. My mom had just turned on the lights in the dining room when the show was suddenly interrupted by a special news report.
I was standing behind the couch, about 3 feet behind it, somewhere near the phone. I can still picture it all, right down to the colors. My mom had just returned to the kitchen. My brother was on the couch. Dave was standing behind it, leaning over. And then we learned that John Lennon had been murdered. It took a few moments to set in, really. I mean, he had just put a new album out and to be honest, I wasnft all that fond of what I had heard from it (an opinion that has since changed). But there was a song of his that I truly loved, post Beatles. Not Imagine, but Number 9 Dream. That song was stuck in my head for weeks after.
I donft know if 30 years from now Ifll be able to say that I knew exactly where I was when Michael Jackson died. I donft remember where I was when Elvis died, for example, but in all fairness I was never a fan of his. But I am certain that 30 years from now there will be many who can tell you. The man had a huge impact on the entertainment world. He broke the color barrier on MTv – before him there were no black artists in rotation. He sold more albums than nearly everyone else combined. He was one of the first to help put a palatable face on AIDS, with his friendship of Ryan White. He founded USA for Africa, sending millions in relief during famine times (he co-wrote We Are The World). He made a nobody called Rockwell into a superstar by simply singing a single line in a song, which was looped into a chorus (you know the song, itfs featured in Geico commercials these days). He broke new ground – having the first feature-length music video. I saw Thriller in a movie theater myself. His original band, The Jackson Five, had 4 consecutive number 1 hits as their first 4 hits – a feat never done before or since. He had his first solo number 1 single at the age of 9, a song about a rat of all things. He made Eddie Van Halen mainstream (Beat It came before Van Halenfs breakthrough 1984 album).
For some people this is their John Lennon moment, just as John Lennonfs death is my Kennedy moment. Yesterday on the bus home there was a woman about my age on the bus listening to her iPod with tears streaming down her face. The young man sitting next to me was attempting to collage together a poem using lyrics to Jacksonfs songs. I do get how you feel.
Yeah, he was eccentric. Wildly so, in what appeared to outsiders as a vain attempt to gain the childhood he never had. He had all those surgeries. He may have died from an administered overdose of pain medication that hefs been taking since the accident that burned him in the mid 1980fs. Having had a serious burn myself I can tell you that the pain of that is unimaginable to those who havenft felt it. But face it, you donft know him and neither did I. We canft judge. Bill Wyman, no stranger to the life of stardom, has an interesting take on it all that is worth the read.
My wife is upset that Farah Fawcettfs untimely death is getting overlooked because Jackson died a few hours later. Okay, but there is an order of magnitude here. Fawcett was a pretty good actress and attractive if youfre into leggy blondes, but her fame seems to rest on a single poster and one year as part of Charliefs Angels and a career that declined almost immediately thanks to less-than-stellar turns in Loganfs Run and Saturn 3. Despite some pretty good acting after that (Burning Bed for example) itfs the Charliefs Angel thing shefs going to be remembered for. Not bad, certainly, but itfs not 7 top 10 singles from a single album.
One musician to another, you will be missed.
Gin and Tonic Cheap Shots:
Allow me to flog The Very Silly Mayor.
2 large oil firms, one based in Africa, and they called it Nigaz??!!!!?!?!!?!
The wait at my local DMV is shorter than the wait at the doctorfs office.
Yes, there is someone out there that Glen Beck thinks is even crazier than he is.
Weird, but today of all days we discover just how much of a straight white boy the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court really is.
Just what Louisiana needs, another Hurricane.
Apparently not only is Obama responsible for Sanfordfs affair, but he can travel through time as well. Limburgher is such a douchebag.
BTW Sanford, thanks for giving me a reason to keep kicking your ass (although Jesusf General did it better). David, youfre not. Ifm laying even money odds that your wife divorces you.
And because I love you I searched for my own personal favorite MJ song, for which there is no official video. Here it is.
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
++++++++++++++++++++++++
10:00am PST - You know what, fuck it. He was having an affair. Thatfs my opinion, and I have nothing to back that up with. But Ifll bet a paycheck on it.
11:00am PST – hefs late for the press conference.
11:15am PST – Soundcheck guy says, "Afghanistan, Argentina, check 1, check 2"
11:29am PST – He admits the affair with an Argentinean woman! Guess hefs not running for President in 2012. Oh, and pay up suckas!
11:31am PST – Resigns as leader of Republican Governors Association
11:33am PST – The wife has known for at least 5 months and itfs been going on for a year. Here come the tears! Oops, now theyfre gone again.
11:35am PST – did he just say he had an affair with a married woman?
11:40am PST – a reporter asks if hefs going to resign, and he walks away – although in fairness hefd been trying to wrap it up for a couple of minutes. A staffer says, ghe said enof.h
Okay, he used his office to perpetuate this – thatfs an impeachable offence in South Carolina, where adultery is actually a criminal offence. Misdirection, using staff to lie about his whereabouts and so on. The affair is one thing, but using his governmental office to lie about it is another. Bill Clinton lied by himself. The Governorfs office lied for him – using the lie he told them. People of South Carolina, you need to kick this fucker out. But what do I know? Ifm in California. Up to you.
Hell, even Faux News wants him to change political parties. At least we liberals donft go telling you how to set your moral standards before breaking them ourselves.
But one thing I notice from the press conference, and I saw it from beginning to end; he never said that he had ended the affair.
2:11pm PST – The wife finally issues a statement – they separated 2 weeks ago. She comes off well in the statement, with Obama-like coolness in her explanations.
Okay, now itfs just getting sad. After this posting Ifm not commenting further, unless therefs a worthy cheap shot to be had. Speaking of whichc
Cheap Shots:
Comment seen in a thread at DailyKos.com: gBreaking - Lou Dobbs of CNN outraged that Mark Sanford outsourced his mistress to a country South of the Border. Details on his show tonight.h
By the way, while you were all examining who was fucking who, an extraordinarily large terrorist attack happened on our watch. Priorities, people.
And this is the gGood War?h
17? With counterpoint from a former bass player for Frank Zappa.
Moving from 5 to 10. (or as Andrew O'Hehir over at Salon put it, gTwice the ass-kissing!h)
C Street isnft having a good week.
Wefre in the finals? Seriously? The Finals?
And because I love you, Tommy Emmanuel.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
++++++++++++++++++++
Have you been playing the newest game? Where in the world is South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford!
Is he spending Fatherfs Day with his young children? No. Is he with his wife? No. Has he taken his cell phone with him? No. Has any of his security detail gone with him? No. Do the current posts on his twitter account look recent? No. Has he contacted any of his staff? No. Is he even in the state?
No.
Turns out that this gfather of the yearh candidate took this past weekend to hike the Appalachian Trail and clear his head. While tweeting about how much he hates the Stimulus Package hefs hiking on a trail that benefited from it, which according to him would probably give him cancer and put him on welfare. To quote Moses in an old Bill Cosby routine upon hearing that God is commanding him to build an Ark, gRiiiiiiighth.
He the Governor of a state for crying out loud. Sure he can take time off, and hefs allowed to. But he needs to be reachable at all times. He is responsible for an economy and upholding the laws of his state, and was elected by the people of South Carolina to be that person. A vacation is a fine thing, but going AWOL shows a lack of judgment that is downright appalling. And hefs supposed to wear a red and white striped shirt in these games.
What makes this something Ifm willing to comment on even more so than has already been done (hefs been gone 5 days as of this writing) is that hefs considered one of the front-runners for the Republican Presidential Nomination in 2012. A guy who slipped away for 5 days (it will be 7 total when he returns – according to the communiqués put out by his office – the man himself hasnft showed up) with no explanation could be doing anything. Just ask John Edwards. Sanfordfs out hiking the Appalachian Trail on Naked Hiking Day! Maybe thatfs why his wife hasnft heard from him in all this time. The fact that this is the best that the Republicant party can come up with right now (The guy who wants us to ignore volcanoes? The one who can see Russia (or at least Dutch Harbor) from her home? The guy who has kept us from having 100 Senators? The Naked Hiker? The man who once ate squirrel? See if you can name all 5!)
Their ranks are pretty pathetic right now. Look, everyone gaffes from time to time – just look at the Vice President. I always tell people that I allow myself one big mistake every day and Ifm fine with that being a good rule for anyone. But please people, these things compound geometrically. Youfve got about 18 months to find someone to run, and so far, you donft have that person.
The lies compound – is Governor Sanford even still in the country? Is he on the lam for something we know yet not of? Is he hiding? Is he running away? Has he been kidnapped and wefre hearing the words of someone who has assumed his place? Is he following the demands of a blackmailer? Has he been spotted on the grassy knoll? Is he the Lindbergh Baby? It gets kind of stupid, doesnft it?
Assuming no foul play, and that truly is my hope, is this really the best the Republicants can do?
Cheap Shots:
The real reason that single payer health care, despite being backed by 3 out of 4 people, isnft gaining traction yet.
All right, whofs in charge here?
Richard Nixon is apparently trying to catch up with Tupac and Biggie. Of course, they donft really make him look good.
Pat Bukanon wants us all to speek Amerukan.
Are there 11 Doctors in the house?
I guess Johnny needed his sidekick back.
Mailbox Kitty is w4chin Ur Netflix!
DiFi, I voted for you and probably would again, but you blew it on this one.
Yeah, but you have to live in Arkansas.
And because I love you, Paul Simon.
@
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
++++++++++++++++++++++
I've been absent for a few days, sorry about that. Couldn't be helped. I had what is called in the professional lingo, a "double". An Upper GI exam and a Colonoscopy. They used the same instrument for both, and I joked with the doctor that he needed to do the GI first.
I've known that I would need a colonoscopy sometime in my early 40s since I was 16 years old. One of my most vivid memories is the day in the summer before I turned 16 when my father sat me down and told me he had colon cancer. I was still in a way getting over being "the kid who lived" - I had left behind schools that still had teachers who remembered my older sister (who died when I was 4) by simply living longer, and my grandmother was dying already, but these weren't as personal as my father telling me he was going to die. I barely remembered my sister, I hated my dad's mother. But my dad - while he was away more often than not (my parents divorced when I was 7) he was still dad. I spent my summers with the man. I wasn't old enough yet to appreciate how big of an asshole he was, but I was old enough to appreciate how much of one he was in my favor. And he had cancer.
My dad lasted a long time with colon cancer. He picked up some others along the way; stomach, skin, lung, liver. He was a stubborn SOB, he fought it a long time, but the final memories I have of him are lying in a hospital bed, half his former size (he was an imposing man in his prime), yellowed skin, and coughing up black blood by the liter.
My dad smoked heavily. He drank heavily. He fought addiction in his younger days and experimented with crazy things like Laetrile as he got sicker. All of these things I never did. After I hit drinking age every once in a while he'd show up and we go out and get bombed - in his case to kill the pain and in my case to prove I could keep up with him (I couldnft). He could be a real shitheel then, just ask my little brother, but he was sick and I gave him allowances for it. But he got diagnosed too late to just cut the cancer cells out, and he fought it as best he could, but ultimately he wound up ignoring my brother and crying on my shoulder a lot more than a parent ever should.
My dad was pretty selfish.
So I decided long long ago that I would do everything in my power to get early detection, if for no other reason than to not burden my wife and my kids with what would be an awful experience. It took some convincing at first with various doctors. I'm only 44 years of age and I've been trying to get one of these since I turned 40. I finally got a referral to a doctor named Aristotle who actually listened to my family history and he scheduled it without hesitation.
Now for the other end. Ask anyone who knows me; I cough. I have since I was 8 years old. I have been diagnosed with fluid in the lungs, asthma, emphysema, allergies, cold weather sensitivity... none of which was accurate. Every time a new treatment would be tried it would work for a short time, then my cough would return. A lot of people would get frustrated with it, but I got used to it. I hardly even noticed my cough any more. Then two years ago I went in for a physical and the doctor noticed my cough. "How long have you had it?" "34 years," I replied, rather flippantly. After goggling at me a moment they started tests, and that was when it was discovered that I had a lump in my thyroid. 4 months later, I had no thyroid at all and a small scar on my neck.
Of course, this wasn't the cause of my cough, so we went back to it. We decided to try something different - acid reflux medication. And lo and behold, it worked! I've now been 18 month nearly cough free (knock on silicon polymer plastic). But what this means is that I've had acid reflux, not very strong but still there, for over 30 years. Aristotle wanted to take a look, and he scheduled the procedure for the same day, which lead to my joke earlier.
On a side note, I've discovered throughout my life that doctors with interesting names get things done and done well. When I dislocated my shoulder, it was Doctor Uncyk who saw to my recovery. The man who removed my thyroid was named Electron (he has siblings named Proton and Neutron - Electron now works for President Obama – no joke). This doctor is named Aristotle. My primary care physicians are twin sisters.
The prep is awful. Clear liquids the day before and you have to drink over a gallon of a viscous liquid the consistency of Jell-O shots that winds up with you pooping clear and every few minutes. It doesn't seem so bad at first, but after your 13th 8 ounce drink in 3 hours it really wears you down. And of course now is the time that our annual visit from hellfs mockingbird arrives - it's a single bird that nests a few doors down, and is louder than a Pink Floyd concert. He starts singing about 11pm and finishes about 9am. Try sleeping through that.
Anyway, next morning we got to the clinic (you're required to have someone drive you home and it IS necessary) where the procedure was done and knew we were in for an interesting time. One of the doctors at the clinic, which is around the corner from our first apartment here in San Francisco, has the same name as me. You get to put on the non-privacy gown, and they hook up an IV for you. Eventually you're wheeled into the room and the put the anesthesia in the IV. It made me cough like hell, but it subsided after a moment or two. I remember the scope going down my throat. I remember it coming back out. The period in between is a blank. I remember the tubing coming back out after the colonoscopy, but nothing before. I woke up in recovery groggy as all hell and my wife looking at pictures of my insides. Colon, clean. Esophagus, a bit of wear after 30 years plus of acid reflux - they took a biopsy and I'll know the results in a week.
The insides were pretty rumbly for a while and I burped like crazy for about a day – the side effect of having nothing inside you other than air.
So Ifve had a pretty strenuous couple of days. Ifve had tubes stuck in both ends, spent a day on the toilet, drank 8 pounds of fluids and then promptly passed them through again, and couldnft think coherently for a day. And it was all worth it and Ifll do it again in a couple of years. Ifll be back to normal (finally) next week. So, how was your week?
And because I love you, Joe Jackson.
Now you can scroll up for the next post, or click here to go back to the top
@
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
6/12/09 – Keep your damned guns.
Ifm a liberal and Ifm proud of it. But Ifm not one who wants to take away the guns. Ifm not sure that a hunter needs an AK-47 to tenderize his meat, but in terms of owning guns it really doesnft interest me to take away the guns people legally buy for whatever legal reason. I favor waiting periods, mandatory classes, strict controls on exporting weapons to private citizens, tri
